Now I would like to start by clarifying that I have not taken the leap from spinster to loved up quite yet. I am in the very early stages of talking to a guy whose sense of humor I like; but I am the very epitome of once bitten, twice shy (especially as this will be the third bite!)
We spent all of last night back and forth in conversation and have been pretty much the same today, well as much as both of our work commitments will allow. The problem is I have reached that point where I am a little interested, and suddenly I find myself worrying, far more than I should, about what this total stranger will think of my responses.
It’s something I am aware I have done all my life, despite being very aware of how stupid it is. I am me, a guy finds me attractive and then suddenly I become this new me. The one who I think won’t scare off the guy I like. It’s not his doing, in fact when I broke up with he who shall not be named, he mentioned how once the break up had happened I revert back to this young, fun ‘old’ me. I once again became the me he had fallen in love with.
So how do I stop myself doing it? Todays panic was I had joked about us getting together to introduce each other to our favourite films and then when he responded said “that’s what I have you for’ and suddenly I was worried I’d inadvertently implied that I was planning this whole massive future for us and that he would think I was this crazy rabbit lady who had received a couple of nice messages and so was suddenly imagining what our kids would look like and naming our pet dog!
On some levels I am very chilled, more so than I have been when talking to other guys I have met. Yes a little bit of me hopes this time it will be different, but if it’s not so what. I currently don’t know him from Adam. So why do I care so much about what he thinks and how do I stop this from stopping me be me?