Are men and woman just inherently different?

I have had another light bulb moment. This one happened on the drive to work this morning. As complete side note I have found, maybe slightly worryingly, that I do all my best thinking while driving; or peeing. I know a slight over-share but for the last few weeks I have found that if I am stuck on something, if I take a break from my desk and go for a wee ‘ping’ problem solves itself and I come out of the loo knowing exactly how I need to proceed. – just me that thinks that’s weird?

Anyway, I digress.

Last night blokey, who hence for will be known as Raoul (he picked it, don’t ask why. And yes big moment in our relationship he is actually getting a name on the blog, which I have let him pick- didn’t let the ex have a say in his name! Anyway…) Last night Raoul, went out with his mates; not a problem. But he yet again, decide that he wasn’t going to tell me he was going out all evening. I don’t mind he goes out. In fact I would rather he went out than sat around all evening doing nothing. But, the only thing I ask is he lets me know not to expect to here from him. If I know he is out, having fun or busy at work I don’t worry when I hear nothing. But when as far as I know he is sat in front of the tv and I haven’t heard from him when I usually would.. well it means lots of phone checking from me, and last time it lead to a massive freak out (which you can read a little about here.)

We did talk after my last freak out, and in the end I decided the best way was for me to just assume I would not here from him. It’s funny. i don’t mind not hearing from him. In fact I am becoming more and more of the mindset that relationships would be easier if you didn’t always expect to be in contact with the other person. Anyone else done the early stages, over analysis of trying to figure out how much a guy is into you based on the amount and frequency of messages? Then what happens when you are over the honeymoon period and the number of texts drop “Is he busy, or board and trying to end it?”…

So I made a decision. I will not expect to hear from him.

It helped prevent any freak out when he went AWOL last night, but I have to admit to still feeling a bit put out (and maybe doing a small bit of analysis) when the message finally came in saying the reason he hadn’t been in contact before a good night text (which I sent) was that he was out with his mates – was there not even 5 minutes in the entire evening where he could take two seconds to text me “out with the guys, speak later!” That’s all I want. That’s all I would need. I don’t need to know, or particularly care what, where, how, why and who.

But I got nothing.

Then last night, while checking my phone with slightly more frequency than I would have done had I received a message from him, I was watching Keeping up with the¬†Kardashians (yes, I do occasionally watch it, but only very rarely I am not a big fan, although yes Kim’s wedding is set up to record tonight when I am out.. might force Raoul to watch it on Sat by way of penance, now there’s a thought!!)¬† It was the episode where the one Kourtney finds out she was pregnant with her third child and Scott (her husband) can’t cope with the news and so goes AWOL for a night.

Yep, you read that right. Having found out his wife is having a third child he goes AWOL. He sends a text saying his plane has landed… and then switches off his phone. Leaving his pregnant wife ‘alone*’ with their two young children, spending the entire night trying to track him down.

I am not saying he was wrong to take some time off. But surely a message to his wife “honey, I need some space to think. gonna spend the night in a hotel, home in the morning.” and she could panic a little less. She could have slept through the night.

Now I know Scott (at the time of filming) had a lot on and wasn’t in the best head space. I know that Raoul isn’t intentionally letting me worry. But why do they not think, how do they not spare a thought for their other halves who are sat around worrying that their loved one is safe?!

Is it just a guy thing, they will never see it our way and it is just one of many man/women differences that we have to accept or is this a situation where nattering a gentle reminder may actually work?

Guys – is it an all man thing?
Girls – does your guy go AWOL without notice?
Singles – are you reveling in the fact that being single you can suit yourself and don’t have this to worry about?

*she is a Kardasian, with a film crew, so I would take the use of alone somewhat with a pinch of salt. But you get the drift.

Give me a break

It’s the 30th of January and I’m already sick to the death of Valentines Day. I knew this year would be shit; I knew I was going to be anti love and romance for a while. I knew that everyone complains that shops start bringing in their themed gifts far too early and so it wouldn’t just be about surviving the 14th. But my god people and companies are really starting to take the piss!

You might ask what has unleashed this hatred of companies? well I will tell you. I was just reading a very lovely blog all about why you should switch to a tablet (computer thing not actually tablets, although they may be more help!) and this company created a fun little info-graphic explaining how to survive Valentines day.

Surprisingly their valentines survival tips were not got massively drunk, learn how to make voodoo dolls and remember it’s only one day created to make money by some faceless corporation. Instead they decided to point out how having a tablet will make Valentines day just super special and perfect. I am not going to link to it, because I hate them and will not give it further publicity – ha ha! Take that and feel my wrath!

The Valentines Survival List was:

1. Have Champagne and listen to music – Not a bad tip. I will. But I will listen to it on my ipod which has never judged me for being single and alone!

2. Cook a special dinner together – again this did not make me want to kill them. However the idea that anyone would be ok with spilling sauce on their tablet because they are just ‘so loved up’. If i do this I will be using my none judgmental, stained many times over, cooking books!

3. Surprise your partner by showing romantic photos on the TV. – Now we are starting to get a little bit close to the nerve. I don’t have a partner and currently any attempt to view our old holiday photos results in tears and a howl. This one I will give a miss!

4. Capture magical moments by taking photos – seriously who does that? And surely because of convenience you would reach for your phone?! Your friendly, number of the prat deleted, phone. When I was in love and snuggling on the sofa my tablet was safely away in case I knock it off the arm or something as it cost a small fortune!!

5. Watch a film together in bed – If iIam watching a film I will do it on the 11 inch TV in my bedroom that was bought for the purpose not try and see it on a small screen. I’m sorry but sometimes size does matter!

They then finish by suggesting if you don’t have a tablet the above were reasons why you should race out and buy one now. Who wants chocolate, flowers or a thought about personalised gift hey?

Next year, when I am loved up, living in my dream house with prince charming and all our money, if he hands me a lovingly selected and gift wrapped present to celebrate our first valentines day together, and it turns out to be a tablet to do fun, romantic activities with……. I will shy it at his head!!!