Hormone Hell!

My hormone levels seem to vary throughout the month. However I don’t appear to have mild dips it seems to be I am on some sort of all singing all dancing rollercoaster of hell. You know the ones you seem at a theme park and just think no (or you do if you’re me!) Obviously I have the ‘weepy stage’ and the ‘eat everything I can lay my hands on’ moments but I I also have the slightly scary ‘so tired I could fall asleep here’ moments and even more worryingly ‘the wheel is spinning but the hamster has packed his bags and gone on holiday!’ In fact once I did have a ‘accuse all of my male friends of being sexist because they wouldn’t hit me’ day (true story!)

The thing that scares me is how little control I seem to have over my body/mood when one of these mood swings hit. You will be pleased to know the sexist rant was a onetime occurrence.

The ‘tired’ week when I am just shattered all the time is a little worrying. Basically I just can’t find the motivation to get up. For about a week it becomes even more of a challenge to get out of bed and on occasions I have finally pulled myself out from under the covers at the time I should be getting into my car to arrive at work on time.

The first few times it happened I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with me. I knew I was going to be late, I watched the minutes roll past and thought “gonna be cutting it fine”, “really should get out of bed”, “if I don’t get up now I may be late”, “yep really going to be late” in fact once I was finally pulled myself about 5 minutes before I should have been at work (and at the time I had a 30 minute commute!)
Since I have become aware that this is an almost monthly occurrence, I have become better at fighting it. I go to bed earlier and I let myself off a little so slightly push the time limit most mornings to try and allow me to catch up on the sleep I need and for the moment (touch wood!) it seems to be working.
However my new ‘hamster holiday’ phase has gotten me a little scared. I walk around like a zombie. I feel unconnected to my body and can’t seem to don anything to snap out of it.

This week I have had two slightly scary incidents. The first, I missed a car turning and nearly ended up driving into the side of it. In my defence the idiot in the other car was driving far too fast. But that doesn’t matter, for some reason I missed it and it nearly resulted in my accelerating into the side of the pricks audi. Later that same day I popped to the shops to do an urgent grocery run, and I lost the receipts from this shop on the way home. I was a little worried, because of my over-active imagination, and I did panic for a while that someone would find the receipts and run up a huge bill, but retracing my steps didn’t find them so I said a quick prayer and went home to make tea. However turns out I didn’t just loose the receipts. Last night (over 24 hours later) I realised I had also lost my credit card. That lead to a full on panic!! Turns out that because I was distracted by trying to find some change to drop into a charity tin, I walked away from the till leaving my credit card in the credit card holder and I didn’t realise until I went to pay for something else. Had I not gone to pay for something else last night I would still be none the wiser.

It scares me I have become this scatty.

It scares me even more I have become this scatty and live at home.

I know some of you may be reading this and wondering why I haven’t gone to see a doctor. The truth is I went when I was first diagnosed with my polycystic ovaries syndrome and the specialist was worse than useless. Long story short she wanted to put me on some drugs that would completely stop my periods (a big no as if you don’t shed (sorry) you can develop all sort of problems including cancer!), make me gain weight (which I have a tendency to due to the pcos), have skin problems (again a problem I already struggle with due to the pcos). However the doctor was very keen to point out that it would provide me with a form of contraception which was of bugger all use as at the time I was single, not having sex and so had the contraception thing all kinda taken care of!

On the sick

So it turns out my overshare the other day may have something to do with the fact I am now officially ill. It all started about lunchtime Monday, when I thought I was getting set to have one of my really bad time of the months (yes I do seem to be talking about these a lot recently – I do apologise for the over sharing!)

I have Polycystic ovaries, some of the brilliant side effects include having bag skin, extra weight around my stomach and irregular periods. My periods have always being heavy, and just before I got to Uni they reached a point where I was passing out from the pain and unable to walk. This was happening almost monthly (typically the one time I was regular) and had me absolutely petrified about going away from home, and coping with this almost monthly occurrence. Long story short I went to the doctors, who were crap, the advice was take this pill which will make your spots worse, your periods vanish, and potentially increae your cancer risks but hey it is a form of contraception! At the time I wasn’t in a relationship, and as I am not the sort of who sleeps around or with lots of people I kinda had the not getting pregnant thing covered! I did not take the pills, and instead went to see a brilliant homeopath who gave me some brilliant tablets and for the last few years I have been having almost normal periods.

However slowly the pain of my periods came back, it started with minor aches, then full on cramps, and has progressed to me lying in the toilets where I work passed out from pain, throwing up, wishing I was dead. This has lead to me getting a full on panic every time I get even the slightest stomach ache and a potential overshare on here.

Being very late, I know when and if my next period comes, chances are it is going to be bad, very bad. However the stomach cramps and unbuttoning of trousers I had the other day were in fact due to me having got the nasty bug that is doing the rounds. I got home from work and went promptly to bed and slept through most of the night, excluding waking up every few hours to re-heat my wheaty and apply it to my stomach or occasionally braving moving it to another part of my aching body (head, hands, feet you name it!)

The highlight of the evening came at some point early Monday morning, when while going to heat up my wheaty I passed out and was found by OH burning up on the floor. Even now I am feeling sick, and have waves of nausea sweeping over me which are only interrupted by another dizzy spell. But here is the problem I took yesterday off work, but have gone back in today, despite still feeling ill I was worried that no-one would believe that I was ill and so couldn’t take two days off….

Is this just me or do other people worry?