#PimpmyRabbit – #WordlessWednesday

Sorry, I know this is very hashtag heavy. Be impressed I resisted the urge to say #HashtagHeavy… almost! But life has gotten a little crazy again.

It’s all good crazy. Pretty great crazy in fact. But it is making finding time to create and write posts a lot harder, especially as I am really trying to re-focus my blog and ensure I am more about quality and quantity (it’s not what you do, but the way that you do it – am I right?!)

So today’s post was just gonna be a picture of Poppy, without any words… but turns out I can’t just not say something. Oh well, life lesson learnt there. Oh and this stays between us. I sent Raoul a link to a press release which claims scientists have proven woman talk less than men, (I feel there is a quicker way to say that,) and he is currently working hard to find examples to dispute this theory – let’s not give him the satisfaction!

So without further ado.. or talking.

Coming in for a cuddle
Coming in for a cuddle
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#PimpmyRabbit – Teeny Terror

The other night I was in the other room while Poppy completely destroyed exercised in my front room. On hearing an unusual noise I called out to her (I wasn’t in a position where I could go look)

“Oye, Teeny Terror what are you doing?”

I was expecting nothing, or worse than nothing a crash. However, instead I suddenly saw a very tiny nose peak round the corner of the room that I was in.

Yes my rabbit comes when she is called…

Although I don’t know if I should be impressed or a little mortified that she thinks her name is ‘Teeny Terror!’

Well if the shoe fits... (sorry for the quality but I wanted to grab the photo!)
Well if the shoe fits… (sorry for the quality but I wanted to grab the photo!)

I weakened (sort of)

So having thought I would say no to seeing Bd for one final goodbye my resolve weakened. I didn’t want to look back in years to come and know I didn’t take advantage of spending every moment I could with him. It sounds stupid but I didn’t want to know that in the end I turned down even 5 minutes of time with him. So I told my ex a final goodbye walk would be nice, I wouldn’t take him over night but just spend a final hour cuddling with him, smelling his paws, and trying to embed every moment of Bd in my memory forever.

But we had to have a conversation to organise that, and his holier than thou “I am doing all of this for your own good” attitude got on my wick and so he was preaching about how good for me this was, and how hard on him I snapped and told him exactly what I thought of him.

I told him No, this sudden ban on seeing Bd was nothing to do with me. (Whether his excuse of his new woman being upset I was on the scene is true or not I can’t tell you) but this sudden change of heart now wasn’t anything to do with me. Anyone with half a brain can see I am well over him, getting into her bed 8 weeks after getting out of mine kinda turned off any remaining feelings I may have had. The hurt of what he did to me, that’s still very much with me, but any want to get back with him…. Plus I wasn’t the one manipulating situations so we had to continue to see each other, finding crappy excuses to drop Bd off at mine rather than letting me collect him from the garden, being in the f’in garden and coming out to say hi when I was able to collect Bd from the garden. I was the one who wanted to set up a rota and ideally never speak to each other ever again. I wasn’t the one in the ‘bad place, still hanging on’.

So I called him out and told him that “he had used me and how at least I knew now everything he ever said to me was utter bull.” That was it; no threats, no over reacting just a very measured response.

He went mental and vetoed me saying one final goodbye.

(Which just as a side note, never allowed to see Bd again as you think it was too hard on me but actually you had no problems with me coming round the house, picking him up and having him over night for one final time – who wants to bet he had plans and needed a dog sitter?)

After his little mental outburst I remained calm, and asked his permission to donate to charity the stuff I had for Bd at my house. Might sound silly but I wanted his permission now cause if not I can see him getting in contact in a month and asking where X was, or did I know what had happened to Y. Which is something I am keen to avoid! He responded saying that would be ok, and so I closed the conversation with a “Good Bye” There was nothing else to say. I had only maintained contact so I could see Bd, so I thought Good Bye kinda finished it off.

A few minutes passed then I received from him:

You will probably spit feathers for me saying this but I honestly wish you all the best in your new job and whatever the future brings you”

Did I ever mention I was dating a saint? I don’t know how to break this but I don’t care. I don’t want your good wishes, I want less than nothing to do with you. So I responded with the slightly juvenile, but very much needed

“That’s where you are very much mistaken. I stopped caring or having any reaction to anything you said an awfully long time ago!”

I’ve heard nothing since. I feel strange. There have been tears – so many tears. I miss Bd every second, and I know I will look out for him wherever I go. For the last few days seeing dog walkers out and about has been hell. But I also feel free. I am finally completely out of reach of my ex, no biting my tongue so I can keep seeing Bd, no reasons for him to drop around or manipulate situations so I saw him. I am finally completely and utterly free of that Jack ass – just wish it had been because he had been hit by a car rather than the reason being he took my dog.

Bd and I last year. I am going to miss him soooo much!!
Bd and I last year. I am going to miss him soooo much!!

Worn out

I’m tired. I have loved having Bd but the early starts have started to wear me out, especially as I want to spend every moment I can with him so I haven’t been going to bed as early as I should. I have also had to factor in time with Poppy, half an hour a day with her isn’t enough but this week I’ve been struggling to find any more spare time to give her. And don’t forget that for the half hour I am cuddling her, Bd is locked in the house by himself. I feel guilty, when I am with one as part of me is overly aware that I am not with the other!

However, I have muddled through the best I can. And I have loved every minute. I hate that he has gone back today!

It all happened at the wrong time of course, it always does. Poppy wasn’t suppose to arrive only a few days before I had Bd for a week and a half. She was supposed to come in January, so I would be into a routine with her before figuring out how to look after them. So that I could easily get her to the vets for a check up, have all the right stuff for her so she could get out of her too small cage. But as with all best laid plans… Things will start improving for her now though. She is going to come in to the house on an evening – I don’t have a run, but she needs out the hutch – and we have a 9am appointment with the vet on Saturday so I can get her checked over and her nails trimmed.

And it’s not just been getting used to a having Poppy and Bd that I have been challenged with. Just to add another layer of general stress to the mix, I have ended up changing jobs this week. New hours, longer commute, a whole new challenge work wise (I am worried that are going to regret headhunting me. Yes, take a second for a small victory dance I was head hunted!!) So add new job stress to early start, late evenings and trying to find more hours in the day and you will see why this post is quite so bad!

I don’t know what is going to happen to this space. I used to write on my lunch break, but I am not sure yet if this will happened at my new place. I know that I am not going to stop writing, it helps me process things and you guys are just way to awesome to loose. But I may post less. Quality not quantity right?

As soon as I know what is going on, I will let you know. In the meantime I am thinking of you all

XX

Do I have enough love?

I’m an idiot. I have had a small panic that letting poppy into my life has somehow lessoned the love I have available for Bd and Mity. I don’t know what has brought it on. But I was worried, would I get board of BD, would I resent having the two of them together?

I think part of this panic was brought on by a conversation I had with my counsellor. Knowing the ex is going away on our holiday with his new squeeze brought on tears and it upset me as I thought I had officially finished crying over him. She asked me how different my life would be if I didn’t have BD. If I had completely made the cut, and had no contact with the ex. No seeing him whenever he decides he wants to see me* no jumping when he says how high.

The problem is I promised him. I promised him I would walk out on him and I can’t break that promise. I don’t want the ex to force me to break that promise. My counsellor made the good point that Bd won’t know after all he ‘just a dog’ (although as a dog lover herself she did say she knows that isn’t actually the case) but I will know. I will know I broke my promise to him. I will know I walk away.

But it is hard. Having the ex dangle me on a lease well it makes me hate him. I sometimes wonder if he knows that when Bd is no more I am done. I will be walking out that door never to see or hear from him again. But until then I am a little at his beck and call, and that could be for the next 10 years…

I don’t want Poppy to be the reason I suddenly find it easier to walk away from BD. Now I have a replacement all of my own… I don’t want to be that person who left. He sat with me while I sobbed alone and heartbroken when things got bad with the ex. He walked up to me and licked my tears away when I had no-one else to do it. He was the reason I got out of bed when the times were hard. He cuddles with me on the settee when I am alone in my house. He looks after me when I am ill and makes me laugh when I want to cry.

I don’t want to walk away.

I don’t want Poppy to make it easier to walk away. I owe him so much.

 

*Sometimes when I pick up BD he will have to be there to discuss stuff with me. Usually it is nothing and I have no idea why he refuses to just tell me over text. But Bd is his dog and so if he says jump….

 

She’s arrived

Sorry not to be ‘here’ yesterday but I had a busy day….

I would officially like to introduce you all to Poppy. My ‘I don’t need a man, I have a rabbit’ rabbit.

 

Not a great pic, but I was trying to not disturb her too much!
Not a great pic, but I was trying to not disturb her too much!

She arrived last night and I am a mixture of thrilled and terrified. I am so so happy to have her, and can’t wait to give her a cuddle and whatch her grow and come out of her shell. Last night I was very good and just sat outside her cage talking to her so she could hear my voice. Although I did shine my light into her bedding area just before putting her to bed – I wanted to make sure she was still there and breathing! But this morning I did have the lid off and give her a quick stroke, she is so lovely.

I am officially smitten!!

Is quality better than quantity?

This morning I was a little unorganised. It was my first time in my new house with BD when I had to be at work the next day and despite thinking through the morning times and over allocating time, things took longer than I thought. Add to that I was packing for a bag for a night away (which I am always rubbish at), ensuring my house was left clean and tidy (yep, I’ve become uber house proud) and trying to appear keen and turn up early to work (yep so didn’t happen) and I was a little frazzled.

 

I had to start skipping corners.

 

First thing cut was my morning cup of coffee, then I decided I would grab breakfast at my desk. I gave up on the idea of trying to sort my gas meter out and randomly threw items into my bags, one bag packed for me, one for BD, hoping that I wasn’t forgetting something important. I still hadn’t made up quite enough time and so the only other area I could scrimp on was cutting down the length and location of BDs walk.

 

When I had been planning the previous night, I thought we might make it to some local woods. It would be secluded. There would be no dogs to worry about just the two of us. Looking at my clock and realising it was 7.35am and I was still in a towel I knew my woodland walk was going to have to happen another time. I tried to come up with another location but realised my best course of action would be to risk the very popular, local fields. It meant we could set off walking right from my front door, and we wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time driving from house to walk to house to work.

 

I looked at my watch as we left my house and I realised I had run out of options and I was going to have to cut his walk short this morning.

 

We had 20 minutes, 25 at a push.

 

I felt guilt. He is an active collie, he spends far too much time alone and now I was failing him. However, as we started our walk I started to wonder if I really was failing him?

 

I spent those 20 odd minutes completely focused on my dog.

 

As we walked along the road I chatted to him, telling him how much I loved him , asking hin if he slept ok and would come to stop over again (I’m not the only one who does this right??)

 

We walked to the field and on the way we worked on some training. He was encouraged to walk next to me, without pulling. We stopped and he sat at every curb.

 

A bike cycled past us, and he didn’t react in anyway.

 

We got to the field, and after a quick scout for other dogs he was let loose to run and chase his ball. We worked on fetch.  The size of the smile on his face made my heart smile! Half way through the walk BD lay on his side and indicated he wanted his tummy tickling. So I crouched down on the floor and gave him a good tickle, and stroke while checking him over for anything I need to worry about or tell the ex about. I also told him he was waising valuable ball chasing time by lying there, but he didn’t seem to mind so I didn’t.

 

We saw other dogs on the field (5 – I counted) and we ignored them all.

 

On the way back we practiced sitting to have the lead put back on. Again we stopped, and he sat, at all the curbs. We worked on ignoring the cat who was outside enjoying the sun. We worked on not sticking our nose through the gate with a hole in – he does it every time we work past and as I can’t see into the garden until I am level with the gate I always worry one day something bad will happen. I yet again told him “If you stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and it gets bitten you’ve only yourself to blame!” Yes, I am slowly turning into my mother!!

 

BD chased a bug. Together we took a detour to avoid a dog which BD got a little too excited by. BD peed and sniffed anything we wanted to and we ended our walk by playing  ‘guess which door we live at’ which I invented to try and encourage BD to identify ‘home’ but generally ends up with me worrying about him wanting to move into a neighbours house.

 

In those 20 minutes I was totally focused on BD. Yes we didn’t walk as far as he needed and in that aspect I failed him, but I am sure he will go on some sort of hike or run tonight with the ex so he will get his ‘exercise’.

 

However I can’t help but feel that was anything but a bad walk!

Dog Care Issues

“I have dog care issues”

Yep I just said that to someone to explain why I wasn’t prepare to move a meeting. I think he may have thought I was crazy.

You may remember a little while ago I was toing and froing with the decision to get my own dog. I could see the positives and the negatives and although I decided not to adopt that dog (who is now living on a farm with acres so it work out brilliantly for him!) I think this week has proven to me that I have made the right decision.

As mentioned yesterday the ex has gone on yet another ‘lads holiday’ and so I have the joy and responsibility of having BD for the week. I am yet to pick him up (10 minutes and counting) and yet I am already wracked with guilt and worry about leaving him alone too much this week.

Due to various reasons my diary is a lot quieter than it used to be and so currently my only set in stone commitment is a singing lesson which takes place on a Thursday afternoon and so on paper I am about to embark on a lovely week with lots of BD cuddles. However in reality the Thursday commitment isn’t as low stress as I thought. It takes me just under an hour to get to my lesson, my lesson is at 6, I finish work at 5. Usually not a problem but this week I have to do a 30 minute round trip to pick up BD and then get to my lesson. Due to house commitments I have cancelled my last few singing lessons –I cannot cancel again. Just thinking about it is making me panic about being late, and the guilt that I will be picking BD up to let him have a quick wee, put him in the car and drive to my lesson to then leave him in the boot for half an hour (and that’s before the sun started to shine…!)

Then as luck would have it someone is leaving the company I work for this week and for the first time in all the years I have worked here we are going out as a company for drinks. It is going to be a quick drink in a local pub but I am back to now knowing what to do. Do I leave him for another hour in total alone or do I try and quickly get to him for a quick walk and then either put him in the car for half n hour while I socialise and network or do I leave him alone at the house where it would be cooler but he has an hour alone? Or do I just give my apologies?

I have no-one up here I can ask. I have no one who can help me out. I feel guilty even considering having a bit of a life this week.  And that’s before we look at Saturday where due to piss poor planning from myself I have agreed to support two friends and a race they are running, and watch their kids while they run. I didn’t put two and two together until last week and now I don’t know what to do. It’s going to be a mad busy day, and the weather forecast predicts sun, so I know it will stress out BD. Add to that there will be idiot people letting their dogs do whatever they want and I know it will stress out me. I want to kid myself that taking him will help with his training and build his confidence – but I’m lying. My folks have offered to watch BD for me so I can go to this event for a few hours, and asked if I can add a few more kids to the total I am looking after – I’m now taking my nieces in exchange for the dog sitting!  But I feel guilty.

So at least I can now be certain that as much as it breaks my heart thinking of all those dogs in rescues wanting needing a forever home I am not in a position to offer one. Not yet. So I have to work hard, give in other ways and hope that the future Mr Right is as much of a dog nut as me!

Dog walker

Following on from Heart like a Dogs post on the poo harness contraption.

 

WTF?!
WTF?!

 

I just had to share this video which I found on the brilliant the dog snob blogs.

Obviously an automated dog walker for when walking your dog is just too much effort!!

 

I do want to say a MASSIVE thanks to Jodi and the Dog Snobs for inspiring todays post. There blogs are amazing so please do pop across and say hi, and tell them I sent you!