Last night I had to go through ‘our stuff’ and find a way to stop it being ‘our’ stuff and somehow make it mine. It’s shit… I hate it…and I hate him for doing this to me.

Even now, a year on, there is a MASSIVE part of me that just doesn’t want to. I want to stamp my feet and have it all go away. The pain… the heartache… the tears… all of it. I want him to turn up on my doorstep admit to the world that letting me go was the biggest mistake of my life and beg me to forgive him and take him back.

I don’t want to have to be the bigger person. I don’t want to pick up the pieces and move on. I want to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and just have it all go away.

I’m sick of having to behave like an adult. It’s not fair. IT’S NOT FAIR! I didn’t do anything wrong. I gave myself, my heart unconditionally. I trusted him with it. I trusted him with me. I pinned my hopes, plans and dreams for a future on him and he just walked away. He walked away without properly fighting for me. He was selfish, decided he had had enough and he went.

Moving on is… shit. It’s scary and unpredictable. One day I am fine, the next… I thought a year on I would be fine. Turns out I’m not. I thought I had done the hard part. I had found someone; they had fallen in love with me. That was supposed to be complicated bit, finding someone who could be ‘the one’. Love was supposed to conker all. I was supposed to be planning weddings, babies and grandchildren. Turns out love doesn’t conker all, turns out love may not last forever, turns out love matters very little– I still don’t know what to do with that news.

I pity the person who comes next. I know I can’t let the next person suffer for his errors, but I know that I have changed and they will. The idea of finding someone new both excites and terrifies me. I’m scared to stop loving the ex. I’m scared to start loving someone new. I wonder how I will find the strength to risk it all again. Don’t worry, I will. But every fibre of me wishes that I didn’t have to.

But I do have to. So last night I finally sat on my kitchen floor and started to slowly unpack the boxes of ‘our’ stuff. With each item I unwrapped a memory, a feeling, a thought that I couldn’t hold back. One by one I lovingly unwrapped the tulip shaped wine glasses which my parents had bought me. I had first spotted them just after he had asked me to live with him, and they were the first things that we chose as a ‘we’. I uncovered the champagne glasses that had been bought for us by my aunty, our first ‘couple’ Christmas present from her. I found my half of the matching mug set we bought to commemorate our first skiing trip together. I don’t know how I’m going to use it, but I know I can’t bear to part with it. Picture frames, some filled some not, ornaments, vases, jugs. All things that I can still see sat in my home with him that don’t yet look at home in my new place. I won’t give them up. I’m stubborn like that. The items I have are dear to me, and just because he broke me doesn’t mean I can take it out on them. I am not going to box up and throw away anything that he touched. I am going to heal; these things are going to help me heal…

I did two boxes last night. I wasn’t alone. I don’t know if I could have done it alone. My parents were there; I think that’s why there were no tears. I don’t want them to see me crying again. They know I am still hurting, they know I still love him.

I have considered telling him. Taking the leap, telling him I still want to try again. But I know I can’t. The trust is gone and you can’t have a relationship without trust.

So I continue to unpack boxes, hoping somehow I will unpack something that finally heals me.

I don’t want to say it but…. it’s my house!

One sentence that would sum up the entire house moving/redecorating experience would be ‘it didn’t go quite as planned’. My first clue that things wouldn’t go as ‘the norm’ would be my offer on the house being accepted in a little under 5 minutes but me being me (and despite how I appear on here most of the time) I like to keep optimistic and so keep telling myself “things will work out this time”. Only yet again they haven’t …. quite.

For a month now I have been explaining to my dad the virtues of using the upcoming long weekend to fit my kitchen. I am busy Saturday night and so won’t need to be able to use the house meaning we can down tools Saturday and walk out for the evening. We wouldn’t have to stop and clean up so that I could cook and then have breakfast the next morning. After a lot of discussion (because a month seemed like a long time when I first raised the suggestion) it has been decided that this weekend is ‘kitchen weekend’. I have bought the sink, the tiles are being bought this evening, the wallpaper and paint has been decided on and purchased. I have taps, pipes, flooring, boxes to store the opened food in, a space in the conservatory to store the boxes I will fill. I as organised. I as excited.

Then my dad mentioned that we will have to ask the store to cut the work surface to size. I’ll be honest I hadn’t even thought about this. I had chosen the colour of my work surface (grey) and made sure it matched everything. I had planned the cupboard layout in minute detail (yes, I even produced a scale drawing for where everything is going!) but I hadn’t twigged that the work surface would need cutting to size. I am going to have two L-shaped work surfaces and so there will need to be at least two joins. Suddenly the decision of where to make the ‘straight’ cut and join had me panicked. Which way would I cut it to make the kitchen look as long as possible? Especially as in one corner the L bit is only about 50cms, which was would look the best? I was undecided and have been playing with the decision back and forth for a few days now.

Then my dad mentioned a join where it’s all hidden, but you need a special bit of kit to do it (see how much I understand I still don’t know what it’s properly called!).

If you care here is a link to the joining work surface thing I am talking about. if not then just accept it look very pretty, hides the join brilliantly and would solve my problem.

Turns out the special bit of kit I need to do this (as a normal saw won’t do) is owned by my sisters boyfriends father (keeping up?) and I can have it the weekend after next. Result. The only downside is that this weekend is ‘kitchen weekend’.

Dad and I have agreed that the short L shaped section would look better with a hidden joint and so have decided to hold off putting in the work top on that side of the kitchen until I can have it fitted by my sisters boyfriends father. But we are disagreeing about the other side. The other side contains the sink, and will be a large L so my dad thinks it’s worth battling on, getting it done (straight cut and join) and dusted. He says no one will notice as it will be a busy area anyway as it has the sink etc and if I don’t fit that side I can’t fit the sink, the dishwasher, the washing machine (they are all going to be inter-plumbed). Technically if I wait I would only manage half the kitchen on ‘kitchen weekend’ and rather than a finished kitchen I would have another room to add to my list of ‘nearly but not quite finished’ rooms.

However, to me waiting a week to have a clean hidden join is worth it. I know it is a faff. I know it is far from ideal, I know no one else will notice but I will see the join. I will notice it and I will wish I had waited the extra week every single time I wipe down the work top.

My folks have been beyond amazing whilst doing this. My dad has worn himself out trying to get this finished, making trips to DIY shops before and after work, watching YouTube videos, funding me when my finances became tight….. but I know if I don’t wait one more week to have it perfect I will be gutted and it will bother me every. single. day.

I’ve tried talking to my dad about this, but he is keen to crack on and so it’s falling a little on death ears.

The only thing I haven’t done is played the ‘it’s my house’ card.

I don’t want to play that card. But then it is my house and it does matter. It’s going to be years before I do the kitchen again and to wait 5 days to have a clean join seems so worth it to me.

But when my dad has given so much, knackered himself to get my little house perfect, how do I ask him to give even more?

It’s the rule not the exception.

I had a lovely weekend. My little house was filled with family and despite everything we had great fun, we camped out on anything we could find (i haven’t built any beds yet) and Sundays afternoon group activity was shed building (under the watchful eyes of my neighbour, who stood outside and advised us the entire time!).

I loved it.

I loved playing the ‘host’, I loved looking after everyone and to begin with I even loved standing and waving as the drive off. I went back into my little house, and flaked out on the settee. I relished being on my own. I could watch crappy tv, not put my mug away and have a really unhealthy tea. For the first few hours I was happy and contented just being on my own.

Then I started to think. For various reasons I have no plans for this week, just lots of nights by myself in front of the tv. At first I thought a week off would do me good. I could relax, chill out, veg and just spend sometime by myself. But then I realised this time it’s different. This time it’s for the foreseeable future.

When I was living with the ex I didn’t mind when he was away with work. Despite missing him while I was away, I loved that I could eat food he didn’t like, watch crappy tv which he didn’t enjoy, sneak the dog into the bedroom to snooze with me on the bed, I vegged out, relaxed and just valued having some me time (with the dog obviously!). But this time there is no end to the tunnel. When I’m feeling lonely I can’ t think ‘oh well it’s only 4 more days’ because it isn’t. Yes, I will go and stay with family and friends, and they will come and stay with me. But I am going to be by myself a whole lot.

I’m worried about this. I’m worried that the lazy me will raise her head. You know the one that doesn’t clean the bathroom twice in one day or pull out the settee to hoover behind it (yep I didn’t both of those things!)  Part of my is worried that if I get used to lazing in my Pjs and slobbing I won’t get out of the habit. I am worried about how I am going to spend my time once the DIY is finished.

At the moment I am trying not to dwell on it. I forced myself to turn out the tv and go for a walk by myself – not great fun alone, but it was half an hour killed. Tonight I have counselling and tomorrow I need to hit the shops, Wednesday I have BD and Thursday I have a singing lesson and so that’s another week written off.

But I don’t want to live to write off the week, scrolling through the days, clock watching. I did that once before when I was being bullied and I swore to myself never again. When I was with the ex I enjoyed every day. I was truly living in the moment and every day was filled with new possibilities.

I’m not quite sure what living by myself is going to look like, but at the moment I have very mixed feelings about it.

Why does the sweet, thoughtful guy you loved become a selfish moron the moment he becomes your ex?

Well if he keeps this up it will become a breeze to forget the loving sweet guy I dated and instead remember the complete and utter moron who broke my heart and then took great glee in stomping all over the little pieces. He’s a twat. I am beyond annoyed with him.

When I left my house, after been thrown out by him I left a lot of my stuff behind. It made sense. I had no need or space for the double bed which I had brought with my from my parents house. I didn’t immediately need the towels, spare sheets, duvet, pillows or any of the other items which I had brought with me. I was going back to my parents and so if I had taken it would all have had to go into storage and so it made sense for him to hang onto it for a short while. Also, I just wasn’t strong enough to split up the sheets or bedding. I didn’t want to, hell I couldn’t go through the items we had bought together only months earlier when we had been filled with so much excitement, when I had been filled with so much hope.

I didn’t want our relationship to become one of arguing over a bed sheet. I couldn’t cope with that.

Truth be told I still can’t cope with it. The last few days have involved taking items out of the house we shared and moving them into the house which is going to be just me. Or (as in most of the cases) donating stuff to a local charity or various family members. I know it is shallow to move it out to give it away, but I know he will move on (my gut feeling is telling me sooner rather than later) the idea of him being with another woman kills me. The idea of that woman being in my house, using my stuff……. so I’ve taken it. Anyway, I digress!

I would like to tell you that he has been helpful, understanding and made this whole situation easier on me. Oh how I would like to tell you that. But the truth is he has argued and refused to understand why it would be easier for me if he wasn’t there; he has used the argument of if he’s not allowed in my new house why should I be allowed unaccompanied into his (which I might add he has no problem with me doing when I’m collecting BD and it suits him! twat)

Our latest argument is over the sheets. The other day I sent him a message asking if he would be willing to go through the bedding, sheets etc and return to me anything that was mine. I don’t want the stuff that was ours, just the bits that were mine from before. He has told me that would be too stressful for him, but I am more than welcome to come and help myself. I then asked if I could come next week, when I’m collecting BD and bring a friend, you know a bit of moral support. Apparently not as he has a ‘friend’ around on the evening I want to come. As a side note he also had a ‘friend’ this time with the friends young family around when I initially suggested picking up my furniture but then on the day sent me a text saying he was going for a 3 hour run, no mention of this friend or his young family! Not that I don’t believe him you understand… Anyway. It would not be convenient for me to go around with my friend while his friend is there. So I suggest he puts everything into a couple of black bin bags, I can throw it all into my car when I pick up BD and then return his stuff when I bring BD back to him. Apparently he is so busy with work that he doesn’t have the time to do even this.

In his defence he has offered to give me the money to buy some new stuff, but that’s not the point I want my  stuff back.


I didn’t want to be in this position. I didn’t want to be arguing our bed sheets or falling out over furniture but here we are. Does he not get that this is still so difficult for me? Why can’t he just make it slightly more bearable by being a little flexible? He wanted this. I did nothing wrong. I didn’t give up on us. Yet I have had to deal with all the fall out while he has buried his head …..and holidayed and partied with his friends.


But just to prove I do listen to comments and advice……. Dawn

Positive: today I had the most lovely lunch which I really enjoyed.

Negative: I do feel it just needs a little bit of chocolate to finish it off and I have none.

Positive: By not being able to eat the chocolate I am craving I can remain thin and spotless. Ok well not spotless but I will pretend!

Slow progress

A few of you have asked about an update on my house, and as your wish is my command and all that Jazz…..

It’s been slow progress and for the last few months I have begun to think I will never move in. It has been very much the case of one step forward and about a million backwards. It doesn’t help that I feel like I have been filling cracks in the wall forever and it’s an old house so there are a lot of cracks! In fact I worry some of the walls are now more poly-filler than plaster!

However finally it feels like some small progress is being made….

With the sun being out (and the neighbours complaining about the length of my grass – although I did want to point out to them that I am currently putting back together a house. Grr!) I took advantage to make a start on what will be my veg garden. Or at least it was going to be until I read that tomatoes take so much nutrients out of the soil that you need to rotate their place in the garden now I’m not sure what I am going to do!

Well it was sunny so I took advantage!
Well it was sunny so I took advantage!


I have also spent a lot of time getting to know my bathroom. My toilet is now officially in and I stuck to my guns and I did all of the tiling that was needed on the walls. It was a labour of love which began as great fun, but then slowly became a pain. I came very close to letting my dad do some but I wanted to do it all… and I did. I have to say the feeling of looking at the new tiles and realising I have put them up myself (albeit with the odd large gap, and a couple standing a little too proud for my liking) I feel fantastic and so proud – almost like I can achieve anything!

I haven't done all of that - about 90%.. all round the window was me, up to the shower was me and so was an area on the right.
I haven’t done all of that – about 90%.. all round the window was me, up to the shower was me and so was an area on the right.


Of course after a few steps forward the big step backwards had to appear… and it did. This time it came in the form of a helpful but grumpy carpet fitter who came to measure me for my new carpets. Which now are going to be everywhere as the one carpet I was trying to rescue was, on closer inspection, covered in God alone knows and stunk to high hell no matter how much I cleaned it… so woo hoo new carpets everywhere.

Anyway, the carpet guy was in my bedroom where there is a very lovely, and very obvious, curve of the floor. This is most obvious when stood in the middle of the room, looking towards my window and the skirting board is straight while my floor is not. The plan was that Dad and I would layer thin bits of wood and carpet to a layer that made the floor smooth so there would be no steps or big obvious gaps. I decided to ask the helpful but grumpy carpet fitter if he thought this would work and he said “nope, looks like your beam has gone in the floor. Sorry to bring bad news but if it’s knackered anything you do will just be a short term fix.”

The result of this statement was that my father and I have spent this weekend pulling up the floor boards in my bedroom. Luckily all the boards look solid and so we have layered and put the now straight floor back down. But yet again this means that another weekend has passed with no obvious steps forward being made.

The best bit is that I now have a none movable deadline. I have a friend coming to stay at the start of July. He will need a bed to sleep on which means I need to have my carpets down. I do not want to drip paint on my new carpets which means my walls need painting due to the carpets being laid (however the wall paper will go up after so it doesn’t get torn when carpets are being laid – better be safe that sorry!) I also need to have a working cooker, which means I need to finish plastering the kitchen,  call back my electrician friend and I still have no bath or hand basin (although some lovely tiles) in my bathroom.

My friend arrives on the 7th July. That’s less than 5 weeks…it’s 32 days….I can’t work Thursday nights due to other commitments and their are a few social engagements (get me) which I shouldn’t break. Which means I am looking at the best possible situation of 26 days, but most of those are evenings after work – help!!!

Need to do better

If I’m honest I am struggling a little. Getting my house ready is taking over my life. My daily routine is alarm clock…hit the snooze button….hit the snooze button….hit the snooze button..take into account that this is the last time it will go off so force myself awake and wait until an acceptable time to get out of bed. I don’t know about you but I will only get up at 6.40, 6.45, 6.50 etc if I am for 6.45 and look at my clock and it says 6.46 well I juts have to lie in bed until 6.50. Just me??

ha ha it's true!
ha ha it’s true!

At the moment this little wake up routine sees me jump into the shower and throw on some closes in just under 10 minutes. I stopped wearing make up for work and stuff about the time of the break up. I was hoping it would help sort out my skin, it hasn’t massively but I’m not bothered about switching back, it’s a little liberating and now I have a slightly healthy colour so on days when my skin is playing ball I quite like the ‘natural beauty’ thing! I grab my handbag and my lunch and head out the door. Work until lunchtime. Then try and come up with something witty and insightful to say whilst I eat my lunch, try to catch up with blogger friends. Realise I should have been researching something for the house, abandon catching up with people or my post and sort out ‘important grown up job’. Feel bad for not giving you guys the time and effort you deserve.

Finish lunch, work till home time. Try to get out of the door at work as close to home time as possible and head to the house. Do some form of DIY until Dad arrives with my tea (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, currently my dad is cooking and bringing my tea to me at the house). Do DIY until about 8pm, clean up til 8.30pm head back to folks house about 9.20pm. Say hello to mum and Mity and as I currently have the mother of all colds go to bed.

I feel that I should be doing better with so many aspects of my life right now. My friends are amazing, but seeing them means a night away for the house and so they are all on hold until my house is sorted, unless it’s their birthday in which case the house goes on hold. My job does not inspire me, hence the morning routine and I feel stuck.

I want me life to matter. I want to feel that it matters that I wake up in the morning but right now I feel everything is on hold. I want to do more with my blog, I want to do more with my life. But I have responsibilities now..I have bills and a mortgage and so I cross another day out of my diary and move onto the next one.

I want more than this. I need to step up… but I don’t know what I am stepping up too!

The clue is in the name!

Today I should be in a place where I start decorating my house but I’m not because the workmen I have hired haven’t stuck to their deadlines. One of them is doing me mates rates and is doing me a massive favour by working his evening and weekends, it is very lovely of him, but this does mean I am in a position where he is being very vague about when he is next coming to the house and I don’t want to over hassle him too much. But this does leave me in a position where I can’t do anything until he has come and so I wait.

My plumber is slightly more annoying. The first visit was cancelled because he couldn’t get a part. The second visit was cancelled because a 90 year old woman had returned to her home to find a leak. Now I am not completely uncaring, and of course I was more than happy for him to go sort the old ladies leak but I do not understand why he couldn’t come to my house after that? I have no hot water, I have no heating.

And don’t even get me started on the fire guys who quoted me and dropped the cost when I said “no thanks, that’s out of my budget” just because you dropped the cost doesn’t mean you can do a shoddy job. If you couldn’t afford to do the job at the price agreed you shouldn’t have agreed to that price!!

I was intending to spend this weekend camping out in my house with a friend who is up to visit. We are still camping, but there more than likely will be no hot water and the house is in a worse state than I wanted.

I have insisted on doing everything myself (this weekend I learnt how to drill channels into my wall to hide pipes) and the only two men (excluding my dad who is amazing!) I have trusted enough to help me out have currently let me down.

What can I say, the clue was in the name workMEN.

Thunder Being Stolen!!

I can’t help but worry that this is what’s happening to me at the moment. You see, me getting my own place has lit a fire underneath my sister and her boyfriend and they have suddenly decided that they have had enough of their rented house and so would like to get a place of their own. I can completely understand where they are coming from, and I genuinely do hope they find their own little place soon, but there is a part of me that feels like my thunder is being stolen and part of me thinks does she have to have everything??? She has the functioning, we’re going to get married and have babies relationship does she need the dream house right now too?

What I have been through I wouldn’t wish on anybody. Having the guy you were hoping to marry kick you out while your planning a forever after not only rips your heart out but does a pretty good job of totally fucking with your head as well. Especially if you are still having counselling as a result of the work place bullying and mind games. But there is part of me that looks at her and can’t help but think that she has it all, and she’s about to have even more.

It literally started the evening I had completed. They came round to see my house, but quickly the conversation moved onto the two new houses they were viewing that week. Tonight my folks were hoping to come and help with further work around my house and celebrate the installation of my new wood burning stove but instead they are having to go and view houses with the two of them.

I know it shouldn’t matter. I talked to my dad and he pointed out that even when they get their place, I have bought mine alone. I am renovating it single-handedly, and they are both immensely proud of me for doing this. But I know there house is going to be bigger, that people will stop talking about my house, my achievements and suddenly their house will be the new topic of conversation.

Selfishly, when I feel like such a failure having my house move glossed over is making me feel very much like my thunder is being stolen and I don’t like it!!

DIY is really soft porn.

I realised this yesterday while I was advising you all how not to remove a radiator.

It started when I put ‘screw’ and ‘cock’ next to each other, yes my mind is in the gutter, and after that… well I couldn’t resist finding a way to get ‘gushing’ into the story.

But this isn’t just me that hears DIY and thinks porn. I’ve started to enjoy watching people try not to react when I tell them I have spent the night “stripping” even more fun when you invite people to come and join you (although I’m having massive issues with letting anyone help me, so I am only making that offer to people who I know won’t take me up on it!!)

And if the “stripping” doesn’t get a significant reaction. Well then I move on to telling the poor person how I have become addicted to “un-screwing” anything I can get my hands on, and will in fact walk round the office or my parents house, and notice every screw and ponder how easy it would be to “unscrew” that screw. Hell, I nearly unscrewed the first aid kit bracket from the wall at my work with a letter opener while waiting for the printer to print. Yes, my name is Lauranne and I have a problem.

However, the comment of the DIY make over goes to my friend, how when I was regaling with my new “screw” obsession announces “When I first moved into my house, I screwed and screwed until I was screwed out!!”

There was an image about BJ's which I didn't download yesterday when I started this, and can't find now despite searching for the exact same terms - grr!! Laugh at this instead, and if you can link it to porn even better - comments below!! :0)
There was an image about BJ’s which I didn’t download yesterday when I started this, and can’t find now despite searching for the exact same terms – grr!! Laugh at this instead, and if you can link it to porn even better – comments below!! :0)

How not to remove a radiator!

So as I said in yesterdays post, last night my plan was to begin the removal of the radiators with my dads help. As radiator removal is a two persons job my plan was that dad and I would take them all off in one go (or two if it took us a while) and then I could go to the house alone and remove all the old wallpaper, dirt, dust and general ming from behind them, clean them, decorate behind them and then when dad was next free put them all back on. I had had some workmen remove on when they came in to do some work, and as it had been an easy job for them, and my wall has been happily standing radiator free for a few days I thought it would be a simple job. Plus it made more sense to do it now, before I have a plumber come in to sort and re-pressure the central heating.

I was super organised. I watched and made notes, with diagrams, from a YouTube video I watched in my lunch break and I emailed the video to my dad so when we got there we would both no exactly what need to be done and it would be a quick easy job. You know what they day about best laid plans….

I knew things weren’t going to go smoothly when I arrived at my house and realised that my radiators are different from the ones shown in the video. They do not have a top valve and I had to remove a whole load of other crap and a whole load of wooden paneling, before I could find the first valve I needed to turn off. When I finally turned off the value, twizzling the next screw cock thing (shouldn’t I just have my own DIY show??) was pretty easy, and I got the water trickling out. I felt a little pleased with myself. I undid the other screw cock thing and again I had a small trickle of water, as expected, only this trickle of water didn’t stop. In fact this trickle of water filled the lovely new bucket I have just bought myself with black manky water.

As the water started to brim the bucket I suggested to my dad that, as it appeared to become from within the radiator, we should risk it put our thumb over the wholes and carry the radiator to the bath tub where we could empty out all the water. Aren’t opposable thumbs amazing? Turns out the thumb over the whole thing work and having moped up the water spilt I celebrated and was about to move onto the next one.

However before moving on I went to check on Mity who was having fun running around the lounge. On walking into the lounge I noticed a huge wet mark next to where the radiator had been removed by the workman, which until last night has been completely dry and un-leaking for the best part of a week. I’ll be honest neither of us could figure out why it had started to leak and assumed we had dislodged a little water in the removal of the second radiator. So we pressed on, this time moving into the bathroom.

I have had a workman remove the light in the bathroom, and as it was a really squeeze to get to my dad took control with this removal, which in hindsight annoyed me slightly. Suddenly a man had arrived and I was again relegated to passer and fetcher – this was not done on purpose, just whatever seems to happen when men and woman do DIY together, at least with the men I know. Anyway, I digress.

The bathroom radiator seemed to go ok, with only a small amount of water being leaked from the two removed radiator pipes and so we headed upstairs to the bedroom and I announced that this one I was doing all the turning, screwing bits (after all I was the one who had bothered to watch the YouTube video!) It started well and I managed to close the valve, I then moved onto the screw cock thing and as I unscrewed no water came out at all. I could hear water running, but it was not running out of my radiator.

My dad shot downstairs.

The water was not pouring out of the radiator, upstairs as expected…….it was gushing out of all 6 of the pipes that had had radiators removed from them downstairs. Needless to say that called time on the radiator removal, and I have now decided I will remove them one at a time, clean, decorate and put them back before moving on to the next one!