i could learn a lot from my dog

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So things got a little more stressful at home this week. BD and Mity have been getting along ok. It has been one good session and one bad. BD lifts his tail and stiffens when Mity walks past, and sometimes Mity will change his path to walk around BD (however if he is in the mood he will walk under his nose multiple times, just because he can!)

Friday night Mity was at my sisters house as mum and dad were out and my sister had organised to Mity sit long before I moved home. So I organised that I would have BD for the evening. It meant he could be unmuzzled for the evening and for a few precious hours it would be just like old times. And it was. We cuddled on the settee, we played chase, we did tricks, he licked the tears from my nose – I loved every second.

When Mity came home BDs muzzle went back on and the rest of the evening went past like any other visit. However for the first time Mity refused to sleep when we went to bed. He was unsettled and kept my folks, he sleeps in their room, awake all night. BD has stopped over before, where he is locked downstairs in his tent and before this evening we have never had any problems – they both settled this way fine on bonfire night with fireworks going off!

The next morning BD decided he would climb onto Mitys spot on the settee. BD was instantly told “off” and he didn’t even get all four paws on the settee but Mity responded by cocking his leg on the corner of the couch. We didn’t go ape at him or tell him off but he can’t do that.

The worrying this is this isn’t Mity. He hasn’t had an accident inside since he was a puppy any that have happened have been our fault for not realising he was stood at the door. He won’t even pee if we take him into town and has spent hours with us encouraging him to go where he waits and holds it until he gets to a less densely populated area. Yet he intentionally cocked his leg.

If this goes on I can’t have BD – I can’t stress out Mity and will not put either of them through something they don’t enjoy for my own selfishness. Yet at the moment the only days I want to get out of bed is when I am getting up to walk BD and I am literally living for his next visit. Also when things went down hill and MD spent those evenings cuddled with me as I sobbed into his fire I told him I would not leave him and walk away not matter what happened (his fear aggression came about when OH separated from his ex and they took a dog each.)

HELP!!!

I’m so excited!!

Tonight I get to see BD, and ok it will only be for a few hours but I am looking forward to it so much that I couldn’t sleep last night.

I am worried however that seeing him for a few hours is a completely selfish act? Am I not better to let him forget all about me? Will it be too traumatic for him to see me and have to leave me again? Will it hurt me to much to see BD and OH?

I am hoping that the weather will be nice so we can go on a nice walk, but I am a complete wuss and so if it is too dark we will just stay at my parents, play with Mitys toys and cuddle on the floor. Mity and BD have always gotten on fine, until one day I let my guard down and BD had a growl at Mity – I will never forgive myself for that laps in judgement as now they are only ever so slightly on edge when they are together. Or are they, my dad had them both one day while I took mum shopping and he said they were fine together so I hope I’m not putting an edgy feeling into the room?

I just want the few hours I have with BD to be amazing, and not to have to worry – I love him so much! OH said to me would I be as upset about the break-up if I wasn’t loosing the dog and house as well, and I must admit this is something I have thought about.

I am trying not to put too much emphasis on tonight in terms of me and OH. I have had friends advise me to look my best, remind him what he is missing, I have had other people tell me not to do this and cut them both out of my life forever, one friend told me to dress smart casual and when I suggested skinny jeans and a hoody the comment back was “do it you have a great arse” so things aren’t all bad! However I do know I will be gutted when he doesn’t fall on his knees and beg me to take him back and there is a tiny part of me that is questioning if my need to see BD is tied in to my need to see OH? Although I know that if OH wasn’t dropping him off I would still want to see him, but hey I like to stress and analyse every scenario!

One of my friends has strongly advised me against tonight, saying that if I want OH back I should completely cut him out of my life for the next three months otherwise how will he know that he wants me? This makes me sad, angry, concerned and worried. Why when it comes to something as life changing as matters of the heart do we have to play games? Why do you have to play hard to get to get the guy? Why do boys from a young age decide pushing a girl over in the playground is the way to show you care?

Why is it so wrong to wear your heart on your sleeve?

My morning routine

I’ll be honest, I am a creature of habit and like my routine – to the extent that I have been know to have full on panic attacks if my routine is threatened, but that’s another story for another time!

My morning routine used to be
– 6.30am: OH alarm goes off, he puts it on snooze and we cuddle in bed for 10 minutes.
– 6.40am: OH alarm goes off for a second time, he groans gets out of bed and takes BD for his morning walk. I stretch out and fall back to sleep on OHs side of the bed
– 6.55am: My alarm goes off, and I push the snooze button repeatedly until OH comes back from walking the dog, brings my morning coffee up for me and tells me to get up. BD comes upstairs with OH, and stands at the side of the bed wagging his tail and licking my hand.
– 7.00am: OH leaves the house, I invite BD to join me on the bed while I drink my coffee.
– 7.30ish: Pull myself away from BD and go to jump in the shower. Be followed by BD with his favourite toy (a mit that was brought to clean the shower with. This has become his most prize possession which he found and retrieved from where it lived, for a few months the mit was put away before I left the house, long ago I gave up and it now lives in his toy box.)
Spend the entirety of the shower with BD dropping the mit within my reach and me chucking it for him, only once did the mit join me in the shower (I turned round from washing my face to see it bobbing in the water) and only once has it landed in the toilet due to a chuck from BD (when OH was on watch, I always made sure the toilet lid was closed before playing this game!)
– 7.45ish (depending on timings, hair washing etc): get out of shower, to get dressed, followed by BD and the mit.
– 8amish: sort out BD breakfast, toys, get my lunch out of fridge etc. Occasionally if running early take BD for a quick walk.
– 8.10am: feed BD breakfast including getting a Sit, Paw and Kiss before saying goodbye and heading to work.

Now….

– 6.55am: Alarm goes off, feel pleased with myself for sleeping through the night. Then get a stabbing feeling through my heart as I look across to the other side of the bed and realise there is no OH and will be no BD to greet me.
– 7am: get into shower, where there is no mit tossing, no games, in fact I am alone in the bathroom for the first time in 10 months.
– 7.15am: get dressed.
– 7:35am: go into mum’s room kiss her goodbye and Kiss the top of Mitys head (he is fast asleep and less than impressed I am waking him, he stretches and roles over)
– 7:40am: get lunch from fridge, leave for work. Hope that today I will feel numb and have fewer tears.

I’m leaving him…

Finally the weekend has arrived, and I am moving out of the house I have shared with OH for almost a year. The house that we chose together, moved into on the same day, made into our home, and I dreamed dreams based around. The last few weeks have been hell, we are living together as if nothing has changed (I know I have had the it’s not healthy advice from all my friends) I have slowly put my belongings into boxes, and OH and I have discussed in details what will happen when I go, what he needs to fix if he ever wants to come back and everything in between.

Both of us are preparing for this weekend in a different way.. I have a number of friends on speed dial for the moment he walks out the house.. a lovely weekend with my folks planned… a box of tissues at the ready. OH has a lads holiday to France to look forward to…he walks out our front door, onto a ferry and returns a week later when every inch of my existence is removed from the house – I can’t help but feel he has the better deal?

The only member of the family who has no clue what is going on is BD, or does he have a clue? They say that dogs have a sixth sense about these things, and he has been very attentive to me the last few weeks….

BD is amazing, despite all his issues, he is the most loving dog I have ever met. When I was off from work ill on Tuesday, he spent the day curled up at my feet or next to me. Over the last few weeks as I have shed tears (and boy have I shed tears) he has sat next to me so close…and once even liked the tears off the end of my nose. One of his many skills is to pick up a tennis ball or convenient toy, and growl and toss it about and play with it until I have stopped crying completely and am instead am laughing my head off at him.

His unconditional love for me is evident every time I look into lovely brown eyes… and yet on Saturday morning he will walk out on an adventure with his dad and come home to a house where I am not. I am leaving him.

Every moment that I have with him between now and then I am spending it tell him how much I love him, how I don’t want to go, how I don’t want to leave him, how it isn’t his fault… and OH has agreed that I can see him once a week and have first refusal at any dog sitting duties. But my concern is how will BD cope when I am gone? I hope with all my heart that he won’t even register, but as since moving in I have taken over the role of chief trainer, groomer, and couch snuggle partner I can’t help feel he will miss me as much as I will miss him.

OH has pinky promised me that he will continue to point out to BD that none of this is anything to do with him, and tell him daily how much I love him.

But none of this matters cause I am still leaving him!

Remember me Thursday – #Lightforpets

I have to admit I have never owned a rescued pet… I have to admit that at one point I was in that group of thinking for an animal to end up in a rescue there was clearly something wrong with it – feel free to judge away!

It wasn’t until I started working more closely with rescues that I realised how many amazing animals there are in a search for their forever home, and that 99.9999999% of the animals are in there because we are humans have let them down. I try never to judge, but how someone can give up a pet because it is old, pregnant, needed more exercise than I realised (insert crappy excuse here) I will never understand. The unfaltering love and trust that I see in my own dogs eyes on a daily basis, hell I see that in any animal I look at breaks my heart when I think about them ending up alone and unloved in a kennel not knowing what they had done wrong and waiting patiently for me to come back and get them……

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Today animal lovers across the globe are joining together to help raise awareness of the plight of these homeless pets. We are being asked to light “be a light for pets by promoting awareness about pet adoption. By remembering those we have lost, we can shine a light on the ones we can save.”

As I go through the next few months and try to figure out what my future will look like, and who will be in it, I know how much my heart will ace for BD who I am having to leave with OH. I am going to try and see him once a week, and have my name down top of the list of people who should be contacted if he needs looking after for even a minute. I know that he will not understand why I have had to go away, and I pray to God that he will not think it is due to anything he has done – in fact I am telling him every time I see him how much I love him, how perfect he is, how it isn’t his fault and how it is breaking my heart to leave him. I will miss having a dog around, especially as BD took it on himself to cheer me up whenever I cried, he would get a ball and throw it around growling at it until I was crying with laughter and then would sit so close to me so I could cuddle him until I was ready to face the world…

BD has fear aggression and Mity has made it clear he is an only pet so I have not been in a position where I can adopt. This new start has made me think about it, but I am not in a stage in my life where I can. Earlier this week I saw that Bath Cats and Dogs Home are asking people to make a pledge that they will adopt in the future when the time is right – I have taken this pledge. Today will you?

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bloody flies

We are INUNDATED with flies, I have no idea where they have come from or why, but as I am sat here typing I have actually been dived bombed by a couple and one has just landed on my leg. This has resulted in me becoming paranoid and greeting anyone who comes to the door or anywhere near me with a rather strange ‘do I/my house smell’ rather than the slightly more socially acceptable ‘hello, lovely to see you please come in’.

The situation is so bad that OH went out the other day and bought sticky fly paper which we have put everywhere you can think of and I am now checking on an hourly basis to see how many more of the flying buggers have become stuck. A slight change from when I was a child and once fell out with my father for killing a fly, which I had named and decided would be my pet (what can I say, I am an animal lover!).

I have even taken to chasing the flies around the house with the sticky paper (note this doesn’t work) although has caused much amusement when my friend decided to get in on the action, however he had slightly dodgy aim and missed the fly he was chasing and stuck the entire sheet to my kitchen cupboard!

Any one out there have any advise? the dog has taken to eating them and I am not keen to go down that route!

Not my weekend

In a nut shell this weekend has sucked, it started with a lovely fight with OH! What should have been a lovely thursday night looking forward to a long weekend for both of us, ended up with tears and seperate beds!

Friday was a bit of a none event, with more tears, lots of tissues and far too much wine which did nothing to help my mood when I was stood on the platform waiting for a train at 7am on Saturday morning and was informed that said train was going to be 20 minutes late!! It was one of those brilliantly annoying train delays where every time it approached the time the train was due they would knock it back another five minutes! I was even less pleased when I learnt that because the train was late, we were moved onto a later line and so I arrived in london over 45 minutes late!

The return journey was no less eventful and due to drunken football yobs our train made two unscheduled stops and so I arrived home 50 minutes late, which meant I had to miss the party I was suppose to be attending on Saturday night!

Sunday I took my lovely dog to agility where he did a brilliant spiral first time – I was so pleased – and was then bitten by another dog – *&RE”$*^E$%£%^*!

O well I supppose if it had gone smoothly I would have had nothing to write about!

and then the dog was sick!

9 times, all over the kitchen floor and then twice more at the bottom of the stairs!!

I hated having to leave him and go to work and made OH promise he will return on home on his lunch break to check on him.

He looked so sorry for him and I hated that I had to leave him, and I hated even more that I had to say my final goodbye to him as I ran out of the back gate now very late for work having mopped the kitchen, hall, cleaned the bathroom and tried to straighten the rest of the house. The bathroom and general straightening was due to OH parents arriving at ours sometime before I arrive home from work and I am still desperate to prove to them I am capable of looking after their son.

On my drive into work I had the following enlightenments:
• I had forgotten to bring with me the invite for my friend’s wedding – needed today so I could Google the address and find out where the wedding is being held this weekend!
• The flu tablets I made the trip to the supermarket for last night (I did not want to go to the shops between Christmas and New Year, and had purposefully stocked the cupboards for this very reason) were still sat on the side in the kitchen!
• My lunch which I spent time preparing last night (unusual for me) was still sat in my fridge at home.

I have the feeling it is going to be one of those days!

My weekend

How to have a weekend like mine:

Friday:

  • Stay late at work to catch up on mountain of paper work which has built up to due to a two week holiday.
  • Drive half hour commute home (getting stuck behind idiot who only ever drives at 40 mph regardless of speedlimit!)
  • Throw tea down my neck as racing out to a fundraising quiz.
  • Pack bags for weekend with blokey (I hate packing and am the worlds worst packer) ensuring to pack more than you need so everyone looking at your overnight bag will assume you are leaving home.
  • Race to fundraiser to find out the friend you were meeting for a good catch up (and honestly the main reason you were going) wasn’t coming.
  • Finish quiz at 10.30pm and race to blokeys house.
  • Find blokey isn’t at house and instead go to meet him at a local club (11pm) & relax.

Saturday:

  • Have a well deserved lie in
  • Take dog for walk – remember just before putting walking boots on, but having driving to walk location (it was a long way from blokeys home, I am not just lazy!) that walking boots broke on holiday and I am missing 1/3 of my sole.
  • Decide to set off on walk, but as not feeling 100% don’t point out to blokey that he has decided not to follow the path and end up wandering around water logged fields aimlessly!
  • Misjudge what you think is a reed bed, and rather than jumping onto a firm surface end up in water and other substances you would rather not identify up to your ankles!
  • On pulling foot out with broken sole, ensure you have a sole full of above mentioned yuck and flick it over your back!
  • Continue on walk, despite sole getting worse.
  • Once only 1/3 of sole is attached to shoe, ensure you get sole stuck under boot and when flicking foot to release sole cover the front half of you in the above mentioned yuck!
  • Decide to abandon walk, and head into town to purchase new pair or walking boots.
  • Realise on route to town you did not bring your purse with you as you were going on a walk (something which rarely happens) and smile sweetly at blokey.
  • Get to town and remember your socks are brown as your broken walking boots leaked, borrow blokeys socks.
  • Find pair you like with amazing discount on and discover there is a loose stitch which runbs your heal, decide you can mend shoes at home but try and get a discount (succeed) but have this discount cause massive chaos at the tills.
  • Go to visit relatives and play with two young neices (3 and 6 years old).
  • Take them for a walk, when heading home watch in horror as littlest neice falls while skipping and outs teeth through lips! Despite best efforts to comfort carry screaming child home.
  • Try to sort tea.
  • Finally get screaming child to stop scream and have big sister of scream child show you her wobbley tooth which has just fallen out.
  • Try to find loose change for tooth fair (in case she is as rubbish as you and forgot her purse) and appropriate safe place to put tooth.
  • Have blokey turn up to take you home and save your day
  • Relax

Sunday:

  • Do shopping
  • Walk dog (with some training – different story!)
  • Sort out lunch
  • Race to drama rehersal for upcoming show, being organised to take flask, however enure flask leaks so you end up throwing tea all over self twice!
  • Arrive back at blokeys, start to sort out tea, have cupboard fall off wall above you while cooking!
  • Stop cooking to empty cupboard and then hold the half of the cupboard which has fallen while blokey tries to pull the other half of wall.
  • Succeed in removing cupboard, resume cooking tea and relax

Did anyone else have an eventful weekend?