So having thought I would say no to seeing Bd for one final goodbye my resolve weakened. I didn’t want to look back in years to come and know I didn’t take advantage of spending every moment I could with him. It sounds stupid but I didn’t want to know that in the end I turned down even 5 minutes of time with him. So I told my ex a final goodbye walk would be nice, I wouldn’t take him over night but just spend a final hour cuddling with him, smelling his paws, and trying to embed every moment of Bd in my memory forever.
But we had to have a conversation to organise that, and his holier than thou “I am doing all of this for your own good” attitude got on my wick and so he was preaching about how good for me this was, and how hard on him I snapped and told him exactly what I thought of him.
I told him No, this sudden ban on seeing Bd was nothing to do with me. (Whether his excuse of his new woman being upset I was on the scene is true or not I can’t tell you) but this sudden change of heart now wasn’t anything to do with me. Anyone with half a brain can see I am well over him, getting into her bed 8 weeks after getting out of mine kinda turned off any remaining feelings I may have had. The hurt of what he did to me, that’s still very much with me, but any want to get back with him…. Plus I wasn’t the one manipulating situations so we had to continue to see each other, finding crappy excuses to drop Bd off at mine rather than letting me collect him from the garden, being in the f’in garden and coming out to say hi when I was able to collect Bd from the garden. I was the one who wanted to set up a rota and ideally never speak to each other ever again. I wasn’t the one in the ‘bad place, still hanging on’.
So I called him out and told him that “he had used me and how at least I knew now everything he ever said to me was utter bull.” That was it; no threats, no over reacting just a very measured response.
He went mental and vetoed me saying one final goodbye.
(Which just as a side note, never allowed to see Bd again as you think it was too hard on me but actually you had no problems with me coming round the house, picking him up and having him over night for one final time – who wants to bet he had plans and needed a dog sitter?)
After his little mental outburst I remained calm, and asked his permission to donate to charity the stuff I had for Bd at my house. Might sound silly but I wanted his permission now cause if not I can see him getting in contact in a month and asking where X was, or did I know what had happened to Y. Which is something I am keen to avoid! He responded saying that would be ok, and so I closed the conversation with a “Good Bye” There was nothing else to say. I had only maintained contact so I could see Bd, so I thought Good Bye kinda finished it off.
A few minutes passed then I received from him:
“You will probably spit feathers for me saying this but I honestly wish you all the best in your new job and whatever the future brings you”
Did I ever mention I was dating a saint? I don’t know how to break this but I don’t care. I don’t want your good wishes, I want less than nothing to do with you. So I responded with the slightly juvenile, but very much needed
“That’s where you are very much mistaken. I stopped caring or having any reaction to anything you said an awfully long time ago!”
I’ve heard nothing since. I feel strange. There have been tears – so many tears. I miss Bd every second, and I know I will look out for him wherever I go. For the last few days seeing dog walkers out and about has been hell. But I also feel free. I am finally completely out of reach of my ex, no biting my tongue so I can keep seeing Bd, no reasons for him to drop around or manipulate situations so I saw him. I am finally completely and utterly free of that Jack ass – just wish it had been because he had been hit by a car rather than the reason being he took my dog.