DIY Christmas disaster!

Operation ‘Bake Christmas’ is not going well. I made a rookie mistake. I didn’t read the full recipe before I started to bake. I didn’t read the full recipe before I went to the shops, I didn’t read the full recipe before deciding that it would be a brilliant idea to make my dad, grandad and sisters boyfriend mini stollen for their Christmas gifts.

I didn’t read the full recipe until I was prepared and ready to bake. I had my bowl on the side, wooden spoon at the ready, I had bought the full list of ingredients. I had bought scales, baking trays, cutters and bun tins … I. was. sorted.

So at this point I read the full recipe.

First panic, I had to put the miniature stollen into some posh kinda baking dish tray type thing which I have never heard of and more definitely do not own!  I considered using my new bun tin, but when fully formed they were too big so in the end I went for baking tray… I think Mr Paul Hollywood may refer to them as free formed.

However, the tray issue wasn’t my biggest problem.

I hadn’t fully read the recipe, so when I started baking at 8pm last night (with 3 batches of stollen to produce) I may have sworn, you see the recipe said to combine raisins, sultanas, lemon zest, nuts, spices, vanilla essence into a bowl and put to one side before making the dough (which I did.) Then I had to make the dough (no problem) knead for 10 minutes (good exercise) and then lead to rise for 1 – 1.5 hours, before kneading in the fruit, leaving to prove for a further 30 minutes, forming into shapes, leaving for a third prove, then baking in the oven for 20 minutes.  And I had to make 3 batches of these.

I made one batch last night and combined the fruit and nut part for the other two batches. That means that tonight I have to make 2 batches of mini stollen, 1 batch of diabetic biscuits, 1 batch of dairy free melt in the middle cookies and 1 batch of millionaire shortbread.

Oh and I need to do some wrapping, pack for heading to my parents straight from work tomorrow, drop my neighbours cards in with them and try and leave the house in a clean and tidy state (clearly that last one isn’t happening!)

Do you think Santa has some spare elves?

OMG I think Google thinks I’m a sex pest!!

To begin with I’m going to get a little technical on you, although as most of you are bloggers I am assuming you already know this, but we all know what assumptions can do. So..

When you preform a Google search the result you receive back is unique to you. As the internet and technology gets cleverer Google is working hard to ensure that you are shown exactly what you search for when you search. So it uses information it has already gleamed from you (location, other sites you have searched etc) to produce a unique result. Meaning if you and I all searched “Little Black Dress” the websites we would be ‘delivered’ as a result of the search would vary. Does that make sense? Good, then on with my story.


So the other day I had reason to Google the term ‘Cookie Cutters’. As I was scrolling through the images I was amused to discover that you could buy ‘sex position cutters’.

The mind boggles!!
See they are actual things

I had to giggle (because clearly I am a child) and decided I would show my friend. I told them to search cookie cutters and that they would know what they were looking for when they saw them.

The problem is they didn’t.

No matter how far down they scrolled they were not offered sex position cookie cutters.

Knowing that Google pics your results based for you, I feel like I have been judged by Google…… and they have an interesting opinion of me!!

When it all gets too much – bake some buns!

This post goes out with a special shout out to the wonderful Mrs Capt’n Firepants who has a brilliant blog and so once you have finished enjoying mine *subtle hint, cough cough!* then please pop by and say hello, you will not be disappointed!

(or it will if it ever gets posted as the stupid internet has decided to work against me -grr!!)

It is only Monday and already I’m having a bad week. Following on from the other days blank canvas post, I didn’t want to get all negative again and moan about how one of my friends seems to have decided I am responsible for everything bad in his life and is currently sending me abusive messages which are nicely getting worse if I try and ignore him, or the fact that OH has decided he is too tired to drive BD to my folks house tonight, and so if I want to see him I have to go to my old house, get him out the back garden and walk him around the village that used to be home, in the dark and probable rain. O and can I just put it out there I am scared of the dark – silly I know, but my heart rate quickens and I jump at every sound – this does not make for a relaxing walk or something I am particularly looking forward to….

but I really didn’t want another woe is me type post. Which let me once again starring into space and wishing my life had kinda worked out differently. Then I read the comment that the lovely Mrs F had put on my blog about feeling free to post a picture of a half eaten sandwich if I want to, and while I do not have a half eaten sandwich to show you today (I got my finger out and made a salad). I do have pictures of how I spent a few hours enjoying myself this weekend – baking buns.

And so here should be the lovely picture of my home made Carrot cake buns with cream cheese icing that I made for the first time this weekend. However the photos are on my phone and my phone has decided it doesn’t for reasons know only to itself want to share my picture with the rest of the world and so will not send the picture to my computer so that I can share it all with you.

Good job everything else is going so well in my life or this could really push me over the edge!!! :0)

My oven hates me – but it’s fine, it’s mutual!!

Believe it or not I am a pretty good cook, even if I say so myself..

My dad went to catering collegue and I have so many happy memories of watching dad cook whilst I stirred (If there is a pot on the stove I have to stir it, but that’s a different story!) and I got my way through my first year of uni by cooking big elaborate teas each evening (yes I did put on a little more weight than would have liked but it kept me sane.)

However since moving into this house, with this oven I have burnt more dinners in the last 6 months (small side note woop I have been living with OH for 6 months – that has flown!) than I have in all the years I have been cooking ever!! This stupid oven seems to wait for my back to be turned and ingredients that were previously raw turn into a carbonated mass of yuck.

I give you exhibit a, the crumble for tonight. I put rubarb (I cook better than I spell – i feel there should be an h) and organge juice into a oven proof casserole dish with a sprinkling of sugar, to soften before I add the crumble (Shop bought I have to admit as we still don’t have a fully working baking cupboard – again a different story) and every few minutes I took it out to stir and panic that the ingredients would still be raw when OH arrive home tonight and so I turn the oven up slightly and return in another 10 minutes and my ingredients are now black and smoking – grr!! I have stirred it all in and I chucked in some more orange juice to hide the taste, and then had to decided how to cook the top which takes half an hour. I felt I had no choice and so I chucked it on top of the brown mass and prayed. O well at least I have lots of custard!!