It’s all in the way you sell it

I have had the most lovely weekend. Life has been a little hectic of late meaning I have only been able to see Raoul for the odd evening here and there, but this weekend the stars aligned and I got to spend two glorious days with him. It was really lovely, and just so easy… I never realised quite how much stress my last relationship put onto me. Being with someone so chilled and laid back… it’s just awesome!

Anyway, we are currently in that tricky stage where we are still trying to date date (night out at the cinema or for tea.) Although easier, and cheaper to sit on the sofa, I am determined that 2 months in we will not turn into that couple already. Complete aside, but I can’t believe it has only been 2 months, I feel like I have been with him forever!

So Friday night we were looking for something to do, and as the weather was poor I suggested we went to the Cinema. Now I really wanted to see Man Up, and Friday just happened to be the day it was being released. However, when viewing a preview for the film on a different film night (Honestly when you are dating, what is there to do on an evening but go to the cinema or eat out? Seriously, any suggestions welcome) he was… let’s say… less than keen on seeing this film.

But I really wanted to, and so I asked him “if, as the weather was poo, we could go to the cinema and see the new Simon Pegg comedy?”

He said yes!!

So I quickly emailed across cinema times before he could change his mind.

He scored himself some ‘good boyfriend’ brownie points.

I must admit to being really touched that he was happy to go and see a film with me he hadn’t really wanted to, but assumed he had said yes cause there was pretty much nothing else to do… turns out that wasn’t why he said yes.

Turns out the reason he said yes was because he hadn’t put two and two together…

he hadn’t remembered that the new Simon Pegg comedy was in fact a ROM-com…

In fact he didn’t twig which film we were going to see until we arrived at the cinema…

I maintain, that a Rom-com is still a comedy, just with an additional classification and maintain that I did not lie to him… I just omitted certain details!

However he now claims that I am the worse girlfriend in the world …and made me buy the popcorn. He has also removed my film choosing rights until further notice.

It’s still a comedy… just a comedy about romance!

So what do you think? Am I right that a Rom-com is still a comedy or has he let me off lightly?

Are men and woman just inherently different?

I have had another light bulb moment. This one happened on the drive to work this morning. As complete side note I have found, maybe slightly worryingly, that I do all my best thinking while driving; or peeing. I know a slight over-share but for the last few weeks I have found that if I am stuck on something, if I take a break from my desk and go for a wee ‘ping’ problem solves itself and I come out of the loo knowing exactly how I need to proceed. – just me that thinks that’s weird?

Anyway, I digress.

Last night blokey, who hence for will be known as Raoul (he picked it, don’t ask why. And yes big moment in our relationship he is actually getting a name on the blog, which I have let him pick- didn’t let the ex have a say in his name! Anyway…) Last night Raoul, went out with his mates; not a problem. But he yet again, decide that he wasn’t going to tell me he was going out all evening. I don’t mind he goes out. In fact I would rather he went out than sat around all evening doing nothing. But, the only thing I ask is he lets me know not to expect to here from him. If I know he is out, having fun or busy at work I don’t worry when I hear nothing. But when as far as I know he is sat in front of the tv and I haven’t heard from him when I usually would.. well it means lots of phone checking from me, and last time it lead to a massive freak out (which you can read a little about here.)

We did talk after my last freak out, and in the end I decided the best way was for me to just assume I would not here from him. It’s funny. i don’t mind not hearing from him. In fact I am becoming more and more of the mindset that relationships would be easier if you didn’t always expect to be in contact with the other person. Anyone else done the early stages, over analysis of trying to figure out how much a guy is into you based on the amount and frequency of messages? Then what happens when you are over the honeymoon period and the number of texts drop “Is he busy, or board and trying to end it?”…

So I made a decision. I will not expect to hear from him.

It helped prevent any freak out when he went AWOL last night, but I have to admit to still feeling a bit put out (and maybe doing a small bit of analysis) when the message finally came in saying the reason he hadn’t been in contact before a good night text (which I sent) was that he was out with his mates – was there not even 5 minutes in the entire evening where he could take two seconds to text me “out with the guys, speak later!” That’s all I want. That’s all I would need. I don’t need to know, or particularly care what, where, how, why and who.

But I got nothing.

Then last night, while checking my phone with slightly more frequency than I would have done had I received a message from him, I was watching Keeping up with the¬†Kardashians (yes, I do occasionally watch it, but only very rarely I am not a big fan, although yes Kim’s wedding is set up to record tonight when I am out.. might force Raoul to watch it on Sat by way of penance, now there’s a thought!!)¬† It was the episode where the one Kourtney finds out she was pregnant with her third child and Scott (her husband) can’t cope with the news and so goes AWOL for a night.

Yep, you read that right. Having found out his wife is having a third child he goes AWOL. He sends a text saying his plane has landed… and then switches off his phone. Leaving his pregnant wife ‘alone*’ with their two young children, spending the entire night trying to track him down.

I am not saying he was wrong to take some time off. But surely a message to his wife “honey, I need some space to think. gonna spend the night in a hotel, home in the morning.” and she could panic a little less. She could have slept through the night.

Now I know Scott (at the time of filming) had a lot on and wasn’t in the best head space. I know that Raoul isn’t intentionally letting me worry. But why do they not think, how do they not spare a thought for their other halves who are sat around worrying that their loved one is safe?!

Is it just a guy thing, they will never see it our way and it is just one of many man/women differences that we have to accept or is this a situation where nattering a gentle reminder may actually work?

Guys – is it an all man thing?
Girls – does your guy go AWOL without notice?
Singles – are you reveling in the fact that being single you can suit yourself and don’t have this to worry about?

*she is a Kardasian, with a film crew, so I would take the use of alone somewhat with a pinch of salt. But you get the drift.