Will I ever move on?

So the other night I was satying around watching ‘Into the Woods’ with my folks when suddenly the memory flooded back.

It must have been months ago.

Just after into the woods hit the cinema ,it came to my local Odeon and my folks came up to see it. My sister had Mity for the evening as it was a weekend when I’d had Bd. (Before the idiot ex took him from me!)

Bd and I walked my folks to the cinema, cuddled on the settee for a few hours, and then headed back to collect them.

I still remember that lady who talked to him whilst we were stood outside the cinema waiting for the film to finish.  The way he lent into me for reassurance.  The way my heart swelled with pride when he overcame his fear and let the strange lady say hello…

I couldn’t stop them. The tears fell.

Sat in my folks front room I remembered the feel of him, the warmth when he used to cuddle close to me, the smell of his paws, his big floppy ears. I realised that never again will his smile poke round the bathroom door.  Never again will I touch or cuddle him… and the tears wouldn’t stop.

Will I ever get past this?  Will I ever remember him and not have my heart break?

I hate my ex for taking Bd from me, and always will. But I worry how little I am over this.  I know it will always hurt but to not be able to hold back the tears. .. I know I’d had a glass or two. But is this my future I drink more than a glass of wine and cry?  That doesn’t feel fair somehow.

6 thoughts on “Will I ever move on?

  1. For a horrible moment I thought you were going back to that man then.
    Poor BD, poor you. I also lost a dog over an ex, and I missed that pooch for a long time.

  2. This must be so hard, I can only imagine. I think it’s natural and understandable to grieve, even if he is still alive he is no longer part of your life. I think you might always feel sad when you think of him but with time, hopefully it will get easier. I’m so sorry you had to say goodbye.

    • Thank you (and hello, lovely to see you!) It’s the idea of Bd thinking I left him, that I walked away that kills me. I loved him so so much… I don’t want him to think he did something wrong, or it’s his fault. I want him to be happy!

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