Today while typing a message to a friend, predictive text decided to change Laura to Issues….. I couldn’t help to think to myself yep you’ve got that right!!!
I am a big worrier. In fact I am one of those worriers who worry when they have nothing to worry about (I think I inherited that from my mother!) Raoul and I had a tiny misunderstanding over the weekend. He thought a status I had put on Facebook was a subtle dig at him for being called into work at the last minute. It wasn’t.
However, his reaction and the way he handled this ‘slight’ had me worrying.
Looking back, re-reading my blog posts has shown me exactly how much of an ass my ex was. If I sent him a text and he didn’t understand it, that was my fault for not being clear enough. If I was asleep and he wasn’t, my fault. If I was awake and he was trying to get to sleep.. you get the picture. I couldn’t do right for trying.
I don’t want to be in the position again.
So I worry. I take one small thing and blow it up to a huge thing; does this reaction mean he is high maintenance? Does this reaction mean he will leave? If he walks away now, how will I ever trust myself or anyone else ever again?
I take something tiny and it becomes huge.
I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to keep having panics over this relationship due to my past. A few small worries are normal, but I don’t still want the past affecting my future.
How do I move on?
How do I finally put my past relationship to bed once and for all?
Raoul is not my ex. Hell my ex couldn’t even hold a candle to him. The sensible part of me knows that, but how do I get the rest of me to believe it?