Are men and woman just inherently different?

I have had another light bulb moment. This one happened on the drive to work this morning. As complete side note I have found, maybe slightly worryingly, that I do all my best thinking while driving; or peeing. I know a slight over-share but for the last few weeks I have found that if I am stuck on something, if I take a break from my desk and go for a wee ‘ping’ problem solves itself and I come out of the loo knowing exactly how I need to proceed. – just me that thinks that’s weird?

Anyway, I digress.

Last night blokey, who hence for will be known as Raoul (he picked it, don’t ask why. And yes big moment in our relationship he is actually getting a name on the blog, which I have let him pick- didn’t let the ex have a say in his name! Anyway…) Last night Raoul, went out with his mates; not a problem. But he yet again, decide that he wasn’t going to tell me he was going out all evening. I don’t mind he goes out. In fact I would rather he went out than sat around all evening doing nothing. But, the only thing I ask is he lets me know not to expect to here from him. If I know he is out, having fun or busy at work I don’t worry when I hear nothing. But when as far as I know he is sat in front of the tv and I haven’t heard from him when I usually would.. well it means lots of phone checking from me, and last time it lead to a massive freak out (which you can read a little about here.)

We did talk after my last freak out, and in the end I decided the best way was for me to just assume I would not here from him. It’s funny. i don’t mind not hearing from him. In fact I am becoming more and more of the mindset that relationships would be easier if you didn’t always expect to be in contact with the other person. Anyone else done the early stages, over analysis of trying to figure out how much a guy is into you based on the amount and frequency of messages? Then what happens when you are over the honeymoon period and the number of texts drop “Is he busy, or board and trying to end it?”…

So I made a decision. I will not expect to hear from him.

It helped prevent any freak out when he went AWOL last night, but I have to admit to still feeling a bit put out (and maybe doing a small bit of analysis) when the message finally came in saying the reason he hadn’t been in contact before a good night text (which I sent) was that he was out with his mates – was there not even 5 minutes in the entire evening where he could take two seconds to text me “out with the guys, speak later!” That’s all I want. That’s all I would need. I don’t need to know, or particularly care what, where, how, why and who.

But I got nothing.

Then last night, while checking my phone with slightly more frequency than I would have done had I received a message from him, I was watching Keeping up with the Kardashians (yes, I do occasionally watch it, but only very rarely I am not a big fan, although yes Kim’s wedding is set up to record tonight when I am out.. might force Raoul to watch it on Sat by way of penance, now there’s a thought!!)  It was the episode where the one Kourtney finds out she was pregnant with her third child and Scott (her husband) can’t cope with the news and so goes AWOL for a night.

Yep, you read that right. Having found out his wife is having a third child he goes AWOL. He sends a text saying his plane has landed… and then switches off his phone. Leaving his pregnant wife ‘alone*’ with their two young children, spending the entire night trying to track him down.

I am not saying he was wrong to take some time off. But surely a message to his wife “honey, I need some space to think. gonna spend the night in a hotel, home in the morning.” and she could panic a little less. She could have slept through the night.

Now I know Scott (at the time of filming) had a lot on and wasn’t in the best head space. I know that Raoul isn’t intentionally letting me worry. But why do they not think, how do they not spare a thought for their other halves who are sat around worrying that their loved one is safe?!

Is it just a guy thing, they will never see it our way and it is just one of many man/women differences that we have to accept or is this a situation where nattering a gentle reminder may actually work?

Guys – is it an all man thing?
Girls – does your guy go AWOL without notice?
Singles – are you reveling in the fact that being single you can suit yourself and don’t have this to worry about?

*she is a Kardasian, with a film crew, so I would take the use of alone somewhat with a pinch of salt. But you get the drift.

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8 thoughts on “Are men and woman just inherently different?

  1. Gosh, early stages of a relationship suck! You’re just stuck trying to figure out what silence on your phone means. My now bf who I met in college told me once “I’m going to work on a project I’ll text you when I’m done” so like 6-7 hours go by and I’m freaking out- no text. I text him and I’m like “what happened to you?! You said you would text me.” He’s like “yeah.. I didn’t finish my project yet.” I just thought there was no way someone would work on a project for 7 hours, but apparently…they do. Weird-o. So, ya, with or without notice going AWOL is sucky.

    • It’s trying to get across the point that I am not controlling, I just want to know that I am not going to hear from him cause then I don’t panic! Amusingly (and slightly unintentionally) I went a little awol last night whilst running errands – came home to two messages from him. Obviously he doesn’t like the shoe being on the other foot!

  2. I am busting a gut here. BTW, I love the name Raoul. I would definitely explore how your guy came up with that one.

    So I often joke that in our relationship, my husband is the woman and I’m the man. Because we often break stereotypes. But as far as the AWOL thing, he’s all man.

    When we were newly married, he used to stop off to play chess with a buddy after going to his evening architecture classes. He’d often be out until midnight or so and I got used to it. But one night I got up at 3:30 a.m. and he still wasn’t home. I tried to go back to sleep and got up again at 4:30 to find he still wasn’t home. (Remember, this was pre-cell phones so when someone went AWOL, they were really AWOL).

    At the time, I worked at a large urban trauma center so I knew how long it could take to inform the family in case of a bad accident or shooting. Around 5:30 I started calling hospitals looking for John Does that had been admitted.

    By 6:30 I got into the shower to get dressed for work and tried to decide what I should tell his boss. I had just started sobbing when he came running in wondering what was wrong. Asshole!

    In truth, if you went AWOL your guy probably wouldn’t worry too much (at least as long as he’s not a controlling jerk). He’d just assume you were doing the same thing he would be doing. I think you’re right that it’s a gender wiring thing.

    • I may have (a tiny bit intentionally) gone AWOl last night, came home to two messages from him – ha ha! I can’t help but feel sometimes cell phones cause the problem you now expect to be able to get in contact with someone at every hour of the day or night so if you hear nowt you panic!
      And as for your husband, wow I think i would have been tempted to put him into hospital myself had he been missing that long – I really hope he made it up to you!!

  3. I gave up on this shit long ago. Honestly, I tried explaining it was consideration for your partner but it fell on deaf ears. I think there may be some men out there that get it, but mostly I’d go with no.

    • Maybe when we have been together a little longer I will be more chilled about it, but at the moment… cause the other problem is I can’t help but worry a little. When he says “i just didn’t think about you” I can’t help but panic a little as it’s early days and shouldn’t he be thinking about me? wow. Sometimes I think it’s easier staying single!

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