Last night I had a phone date, and it was brilliant. For 43 minutes we sat and chatted, and Bd squeaked his plastic rhino (at least I know the guy loves dogs!) The conversation flowed, to some slightly weird places, but it had the desired effect. There was no time to ponder answers, as you can with texts; we just chatted away and now we both feel confident that if we had a date we would at least have fun.
Then we hung up.
And it was back to the waiting game. Whose job was it to contact first. I had made the phone call, so shouldn’t he be the one to contact me first? Or was he waiting for me to text? Would we both not contact each other cause we were waiting for the other one too?
And this is where I wobbled.
Suddenly, I didn’t want to be back here. Back analysis everything, worrying about everything… “what it meant that it had taken him 2 hours to reply to a text… but he’s put on a kiss so that’s good…. Should I send back a kiss… or is that too keen… but then I like him….why not up the ante and put two….don’t be silly far too soon, no kisses play hard to get….I can’t reply yet it’s only been 5 minutes…message sent, he’s responded straight away…. Is that too keen…”
I decided sod it, and I contacted him first. He responded saying he had enjoyed talking to me, would like to keep in contact, perhaps meet in person… but that he doesn’t know exactly what he wants as he himself is just out of a long relationship and so wanted to give me the heads up so he’s not stringing me along.
Whereas I appreciate this guys honesty, and know I am in no rush myself to jump into anything new. The thought of him being hesitant made me hesitant and my wobble grew.
I don’t want to be back here. I had done the dating thing. I was ready to settle and start that next stage of my life.
And now I am back here, but I am battered and bruised. I no longer trust myself to know who the one is and who isn’t, who’s worth fighting for and who isn’t.
It makes me want to bury my head in the sand and go back.