Anything I can do, she can do better…

Despite the ‘blip’ the other day, I am genuinely in a really good place and extremely happy with my life. I have great friends, an amazing family, my three little loves and you guys…what more does a girl need?!

My lightning bolt moment of realising it won’t happen until it’s supposed to has made me much more chilled and I am focusing on enjoying now. I am having so much fun that if it happens, ok but if it doesn’t then I will survive, adapt and be ok with that too.

However, along this happy with my life road it would appear there are hurdles I have to overcome. Little waves that rock me to my core and replace the “everything is perfect” with “OMG, I am a complete failure, who is dying alone. My ovaries are drying up and I will never have a baby, or feel love again, or go on holiday.”

As my friends develop with their lives, I can’t help but feel like I am the one being left behind. If this was a race I have barely left the start line while other people seem to be crossing the finish. This happened last night, I got the most amazing text from one of my closest, oldest friends. She is going to be a mum.

I am beyond happy for her. She is going to be a brilliant mum and I can’t wait to meet her kid. We have been friends since we were 11 years old. We sat together and dreamed about her man, my man, our kids growing up together… and despite her moving too far away for my liking I know that she will always be in my life, and I in hers.

Yes, as much as her news made me actually whoop out loud. It also made me feel a bit sad for a fleeting moment. Last year she got married, now she is going to be a mum. Whereas I just became a single parent to a rabbit, and I thought that made me grown up. In the scheme of things I don’t even come close…

I worried she would leave me behind. That this new adventure for her would be a step too far for me to reach. I have coped with the idea of my friends been married, enough of them have done that, our friendships have survived that. But she is the first to become a mum, and for a moment I worried that tis change would mean I would lose her.

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6 thoughts on “Anything I can do, she can do better…

  1. Nope you will not lose her just your lives have gone different paths and those days will come when she will envn your freedom. Grass is always greener and so forth. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
    Best wishes Molly

    • Thank you, yet again for your wisdom! I know deep down that I won’t loose her, we’ve been friends for too long for that. But I do worry she will think I’m the sad childish friend, but I think that says more about my issues than reflects on her!

    • I know it will. Just once it would be nice to be the friend doing it first, she had first kliss first, sex first, engagement, marriage… now the kid thing. Sometimes I feel like the sad friend following along in the cool girls footsteps!

  2. She probably has some of the same worries entering into that, speaking as a mom myself. But none of that matters 🙂 and when she is sleep deprived and has vomit in her hair.. she will be like, I wish I was in the cool girl footsteps. You’ll get there and have that, ENJOY your freedom.

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