Is honesty the best policy?

Men are asses and just when I start to waver in this opinion one comes along to prove to me right. I know I am partly to blame, at least with this original ass but still. (yes, I can see the hypocrite in me, but it’s my blog so I will rant if I want to)

Edward has organised a date with someone else. That fact bothers me more than it should, but it’s not the fact he has organised another date that has bugged me, it is the manner in which he has done it.

After our last date I was a little disappointed. The guy I met in person bared very little similarities to the guy I had fallen for online. (Yes, fallen for… I know) and it made me doubt if I had just gotten carried away with not being alone.

We openly, and I honestly, discussed our feelings and I admitted to wanting to see him again. But that I didn’t know if I was ready to be exclusive.

I then went on a girl’s night out and a met a guy, who turned out to be a complete ass, but none the less there were fireworks and a little bit of me resented Edward because I felt it would be unfair to act on these feelings while we still hadn’t fully defined what we are.

Another long phone call later and Edward and I had decided that we would continue to go on dates (rather than just meet up as friends) but that we were both free to do what we want. The only promise being made was that we would be upfront and honest. I didn’t want to be sat at home thinking he was pinning for me, when in actual fact he was out pulling anything with a pulse.

So we both continued to chat to each other, we planned a second date (which I had to cancel twice cause I’m still not well) and we both continued to chat to whomever we met online.

I have since met a few guys who I am interested in enough to swap numbers and potentially meet in person. None of these guys are perfect, but I have a ‘what the hell’ attitude; a drink and a bit of conversation (hopefully) never hurt anyone. I considered telling Edward about these guys, but until there was a potential date in the pipeline I didn’t really see the point.

The today I was asked out by one of them, and I said yes.

I have a date with Edward planned for tonight and I wanted to tell him before seeing him. His response was to tell me he had been asked out by someone too. I was a bit upset he hadn’t told me, as we had agreed to be honest, and it did make me wonder if he was quite the honest open guy he seems. But he then went on to tell me he had turned her down.

Then a few minutes later I got an “I’ve organised a date with someone else too” message. And I have got to say I am a little disappointed. It feels like this date is somehow this date is a revenge date, going ahead purely because I am seeing someone else. I don’t want that. If he meets someone who is interested in and wants to meet up fine, but I don’t want him dating someone purely because I am. That gives me the impression that despite saying he was fine with me taking time to figure my shit out he in fact isn’t, which means I need to decide to commit or walk away, and if he is forcing me into that decision then I will walk away.

I am not sleeping with all these people. I am not even kissing all these people. I am just getting out there and meeting people. I tried to be open and honest. If and when the time comes I will be open and honest with the next guy.

I have to be selfish. I have to put me first.

As I said the other day, I am over the ex and I do not want to go back there. But I am not over what he did to me. The promises that he broke and the notion that by moving on I am accepting that love does not concur all. It is going to take me time to heal. The problem is if I lead with absolute honest, but the guys I talk to don’t. How do I move forwards without running the risk of hurting someone?

9 thoughts on “Is honesty the best policy?

  1. Sounds like you are all taking it so seriously instead of just having fun and letting nature takes it;s course. Things will work out wen they are supposed to and who know when that is so enjoy the experience? Does that make sense? Have a terrific Tuesday.
    Best wishes Molly

  2. Ah this is a tough one. As Molly said though, I wouldn’t take it all so seriously. Be out there and just have fun, no strings, no sex, just flirting and enjoying yourself. If you look for a serious date too hard, they won’t come along. If it doesn’t feel right with Edward though, I wouldn’t bother. Sounds like it’s draining you a little?

    • He keeps telling me how he has opened up to me more than anyone in a long time. He says normally when he opens up people run. I don’t want him to think I am not interested cause he has shared… Having been so badly hurt I think I am just uber aware of not doing it to someone else!

  3. Hmm, If I had agreed to go on dates with someone but still see other people. I wouldn’t tell them when I had dates and wouldn’t expect them to tell me either. I would just say, sorry I have plans. I don’t need to know the going on’s of somebody’s date life. If eventually I wouldn’t be getting to a place of wanting to commit and it seemed like they were I would talk about it and reassess our suitability (sounds all business like lol)… Also if men can’t give you honesty…then they’re not where they need to be with themselves to be with you doll ;). I am also very careful about hurting others so I feel ya.

    • I haven’t told him when or where, just that they are happening. He has however told me quite a bit about his. Some of the texts he’s sending about how close we are, and how special I am, is getting me a little concerned about how he feels. I think I may have fallen a little because he was nice and the first possible. But now I have taken time out to really look, it would be a settle, and I won’t settle!!

  4. Both of you are at the stage of meeting people and getting to know each other. You both already made clear that you were not exclusive and that you’d be open to meet new people. I think it is not needed to tell each other every time a date happens in fact. You are not going to hurt him, because he knows that nothing is defined between you two.

    • I don’t know, maybe I am worrying too much but some of his messages gives the impression that he has fallen for me “I’ll never meet anyone as special as you” for example. I don’t want to know time, date and every detail of his dates just if there is someone he’s interested in enough to meet. Which is all I have said, I haven’t told him, when, where or anything about the guy. Just that I have one

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