Does #onlinedating raise your standards?

I think in my unwillingness to ‘settle’, my concerns about getting hurt again and the smallest part of me that is still unwilling to give up on the idea that love conquers all, has led me to raise my already high standards and I am very aware that they are now at such a level no mortal may be able to reach them.

The vast majority of my previous relationships have been a result of a drunken meet up. Our eyes would meet from across the bar/pub/club and the night would end with a drunken kiss and number swap. We would then text for a few days before agreeing to meet up on our first date. Although none of these dates lead to any great romances, or even long term relationships, I got to know the guy slowly over a period of time.His ‘faults’ weren’t obvious right at the beginning of a relationship and so I was willing to give it a try and see what happens.

However, now that I am doing the online thing the first impression is a ‘profile’ which all the ‘faults’ are very obvious to see, meaning I can prejudge and walk away. I stop something even before it has started…

Separated/Divorced – red flag. My ex was separated and had never gotten over the split, not putting myself through that again. Plus when I am stood there saying “till death do us part” I don’t want to know that he has made that very promise to another woman how do I know he means it this time?

Has a child – no thanks. I want the first time I go through pregnancy, child birth, bringing home a baby to be with some who is as shit scared as I am. I don’t want him to have been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

And when you factor in the fact that I have paid money to potentially meet someone, I am putting even more weight on the ‘not settling’ after all I am officially in the market shopping, and I would hate to go home with something that isn’t quite me. I hate taking an ill fitting dress back to the shop, I wouldn’t even know where I start returning a guy!

So despite trying not to I am prejudging and leaving on the shelve some potentially great guys. Guys who I may not have dated long term had we met in real life first, but guys who I would have at least let buy me a drink.

 

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13 thoughts on “Does #onlinedating raise your standards?

  1. Let guys buy you drinks or food, that’s ok. I used to it haha
    Not that I was starving or anything, but hey, if he’s a bad kisser at least you didn’t kiss him for free (I have the train of thought of a hooker, nothing wrong with that).
    When I was online dating, I would often find myself checking profiles and asking myself “Would I hit that at a bar?”, “Would I accept a drink from him?”,”Would I hit that at 4am, drunk and desperate?”.

    • Those will become my thought processes before I respond. Although I am too nice, if someone says hi I say hi back regardless of what I think – costs nothing to be nice, but the problem is I then do end up with a few guys who when I finally say you seem nice but there is no spark, they refuse to accept it and won’t take no for an answer!

      • And those are the same that usually when you say no, and they insist a bit, and keep saying no, they get mad and end up with a “You aren’t my type any way, so f*ck you!”
        Wait, I wasn’t your type and you were begging for a date???
        Yeah, those.

      • I’ve had those. I have also had the 50 year old who when told he was too old responded with “but I can fuck for England” he didn’t respond to my “good for you” response. One gone, on to the next creep!

  2. Interesting question. A colleague described her husband as someone she had settled for, that you have to settle for second best. I told someone andthey were appalled but it makes sense if you think about it. Maybe make a list of no nos and if they only have one nono give them a chance? This relationship advice of course comes from someone who has been single for five years and has had more failed relationships than you can shake a stickat. But they were all drunken encounters.

    • The problem was with the ex I saw his flaws, but didn’t feel like I was settling for a flawed guy (does that make any sense?) whereas these guys now I just see nothing but me settling. Maybe it’s too soon, maybe I am just unwilling to move on, there’s a big difference between accepting you can’t go back and actively moving forwards!

  3. Pingback: Does #onlinedating raise your standards? | The blog of COOPER APPAREL. Find us at https://www.facebook.com/Coopertees

    • That’s one concern. There is a guy who online is amazing, his messages make me laugh, he seems to get and match my sense of humour. I have commented he is too good to be true… yet in the ‘real’ world no spark. However, I am refusing to give up just yet because he is so good online. I don’t know if I am being smart or foolish!

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