I think in my unwillingness to ‘settle’, my concerns about getting hurt again and the smallest part of me that is still unwilling to give up on the idea that love conquers all, has led me to raise my already high standards and I am very aware that they are now at such a level no mortal may be able to reach them.
The vast majority of my previous relationships have been a result of a drunken meet up. Our eyes would meet from across the bar/pub/club and the night would end with a drunken kiss and number swap. We would then text for a few days before agreeing to meet up on our first date. Although none of these dates lead to any great romances, or even long term relationships, I got to know the guy slowly over a period of time.His ‘faults’ weren’t obvious right at the beginning of a relationship and so I was willing to give it a try and see what happens.
However, now that I am doing the online thing the first impression is a ‘profile’ which all the ‘faults’ are very obvious to see, meaning I can prejudge and walk away. I stop something even before it has started…
Separated/Divorced – red flag. My ex was separated and had never gotten over the split, not putting myself through that again. Plus when I am stood there saying “till death do us part” I don’t want to know that he has made that very promise to another woman how do I know he means it this time?
Has a child – no thanks. I want the first time I go through pregnancy, child birth, bringing home a baby to be with some who is as shit scared as I am. I don’t want him to have been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
And when you factor in the fact that I have paid money to potentially meet someone, I am putting even more weight on the ‘not settling’ after all I am officially in the market shopping, and I would hate to go home with something that isn’t quite me. I hate taking an ill fitting dress back to the shop, I wouldn’t even know where I start returning a guy!
So despite trying not to I am prejudging and leaving on the shelve some potentially great guys. Guys who I may not have dated long term had we met in real life first, but guys who I would have at least let buy me a drink.