Now I am going to start this post by pointing out I am a little poorly, sick, dead dying and this post is been written through a haze of lemsip, cough medicines and hallsoothers. If there are grammatical errors, or it just doesn’t make any sense… well I guess you won’t really notice a difference!
I’ve met someone. Well I have sort of met someone… come on this is me, you didn’t expect it to be a straight forward story did you?
Edward has been in my life since Christmas day. He contacted me and I was having a ‘what’s the worse that can happen’ moment and so responded without looking at his online profile. I didn’t expect it to go anywhere. I didn’t expect him to be any different to the tens of other men who I have met online, and who after a little standard back and forth vanishes never to be heard from again.
Only he is.
From a few messages in it became obvious that there was something special about him. I found myself opening up to him in a way I have never opened up to anyone. We talk all day, every day. I look forward to hearing from him, and when I can’t text him there is a little part of me desperate to get back to my phone to see if I have heard from him.
We had our first date last week.
Leading up to the date we had both been very realistic. We both admitted that despite how well we got on, there had to be some sort of spark, an attraction. For the first time in years I had excited butterflies when I stepped out of the car to meet him… and then all my dreams came crashing down around me.
He didn’t look like his photo. There wasn’t a spark.
To be completely honest, I am gutted. I think he would be good for me. I think we will be good together. But this lack of a physical spark has me worried. Am I settling, if I over look the fact there is no physical attraction but go for a great guy? Or for once do I decide that looks aren’t important and go for someone who seems unlikely to hurt me but always wonder what if?
He seems pretty ‘on it’ and has a couple of times asked if we would be better suited as friends, but I don’t want to put him into that box just yet. However, I can’t help but wonder if I am holding off on the inevitable?!
We are going to have a second date. I haven’t made any decisions yet. But I do wish, for once, I could have caught a break and I could have just felt….something!