I feel nothing.

The exs’ grandfather died last night. He had reached a good age, and was always on deaths door for as long as I knew him…but I can’t help but feel like I should feel, well anything, at receiving this news. Only I don’t.

I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel…anything. I knew this guy for over 3 years, thought of him as family at one point and yet I feel nothing at the news of his passing.

I worry I should. Shouldn’t I feel something? I mean I am not expecting tears but to feel nothing at all. It makes me worry I am heartless, or cold.

And I am struggling to offer him any support or help. Of course I sent an ‘I’m really sorry’ text when he texted me with the news, and I have asked him to pass on my love to the various family members. But I find that I don’t want to do more. I don’t want to offer to help, I don’t want to offer (huge amounts of) comfort in anyway. He didn’t want me in that role and I am not going to fall back into it now just because he is hurting.

All I can tell him is that ‘time is a great healer’ because it is true. Time (and finding out he was a lying bastard) healed my broken heart, time…and not me…will mend theirs!

6 thoughts on “I feel nothing.

  1. I think you are reacting appropriately. He is an ex, you feel sorry, but he isn’t someone you are connected with any longer, so no need to feel guilty.


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