I feel nothing.

The exs’ grandfather died last night. He had reached a good age, and was always on deaths door for as long as I knew him…but I can’t help but feel like I should feel, well anything, at receiving this news. Only I don’t.

I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel…anything. I knew this guy for over 3 years, thought of him as family at one point and yet I feel nothing at the news of his passing.

I worry I should. Shouldn’t I feel something? I mean I am not expecting tears but to feel nothing at all. It makes me worry I am heartless, or cold.

And I am struggling to offer him any support or help. Of course I sent an ‘I’m really sorry’ text when he texted me with the news, and I have asked him to pass on my love to the various family members. But I find that I don’t want to do more. I don’t want to offer to help, I don’t want to offer (huge amounts of) comfort in anyway. He didn’t want me in that role and I am not going to fall back into it now just because he is hurting.

All I can tell him is that ‘time is a great healer’ because it is true. Time (and finding out he was a lying bastard) healed my broken heart, time…and not me…will mend theirs!

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “I feel nothing.

  1. I think you are reacting appropriately. He is an ex, you feel sorry, but he isn’t someone you are connected with any longer, so no need to feel guilty.

    Michelle

Looking forward to hearing from you....?!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s