I can’t think about it. It’s too dangerous if I do. The bandage that I have put over my broken heart can be picked off so easily by him. All it takes is a ‘thoughtless’ comment or action and I can feel the hope slowly creeping back.
So I don’t think about it… I try not to think about it.
Why must he suddenly see me when I pick up BD, having been fine not seeing me for months? (and he gets extra brownie points for pulling off this shit after I have expressly told him I don’t want to can’t cope with seeing him and having him in my life any more.
Does he not care?
Or does he care?
Does he still want me in his life? Is he regretting letting me go, does he want to see me … better to stop that train of thought right there. He doesn’t care. If he did he wouldn’t be doing this to me.
He is either a thoughtless ass… or he is just plain cruel. Either way he is a former shadow of the man I loved, of the man I gave my heart to.
He got to use me. He chewed me up and spat me out. He then brought another girl into my bed months after I got out of it.
Despite what he may think he does not get to win. I am stronger than that. If he keeps this up he will leave me with no option but to walk away.
He will not have me in his life. If he regrets letting me go… tough.
I waited. I waited longer than I should. I let him hurt me; more than I should have… but not now… not any more.
This is a new start.
I am a new stronger person.
I will not think about ‘hidden motives’. I will not spend the evenings crying over what I thought I had lost. The loss is his. He made the biggest mistake of his life letting me go. Hopefully the next guy won’t be that dumb!