I’m scared!

Today I’m finally putting into words all the feelings I have had over the last year; the feelings that I have tried to bury. As burying them hasn’t sorted anything out, perhaps finally facing them will.

I’m scared I am going to end up alone.

I’m scared I am not going to be enough.

I’m scared I am never going to have children.

I’m scared I am going to spend every morning, for the rest of my life, waking up alone.

I’m scared that over a year later I am still missing him so.

I’m scared that the online dating thing doesn’t seem to be working out (although I did half expect that)

I’m scared my heart is never going to mend.

I’m scared that I am never going to get over him.

I’m scared that he left me so easily, that I was so easy to walk away from.

I’m scared that I still can’t piece together all the broken pieces of my heart.

I’m scared that I no longer believe in love.

I’m scared to be alone.

I’m scared to stop, so I am wearing myself out.

I’m scared that I don’t know how not to look for love.

I’m scared I am going to lose BD.

I’m scared that Mity is aging in front of my eyes.

I’m scared that ..(lets just say work isn’t going well right now)

I’m scared about making the ends meet at the end of the month.

I’m scared that I will still be doing this alone when I am 90.

I’m scared I’m not going to live until 90.

I’m scared I’m wasting my life.

I’m scared I’m going to make the wrong decision.

I’m scared all the balls I am juggling, are going to come crashing down, and there is no one there to pick them up with me.

I’m scared I am messing up my life.

I’m scared I’m not going to get my happily ever after.

12 thoughts on “I’m scared!

  1. You are not alone and you never will. Myself, I have these doubts in my head as well. Being single is not bad. It’s a whole process, which allows us to be happy with ourselves until we are finally ready to give part of us to someone else.
    I know this is not the typical answer but: You will be happy ever after, with or without the ‘prince’ 🙂

    • The annoying thing is post him I was genuinely happy being alone. I was having fun, dating a few guys, I felt complete. Then he came along and it was like the final bit of me that was missing fitted into place, he didn’t complete me as I already was complete, but suddenly I was whole. Sounds crazy. Now he’s gone and I don’t need him in my life, I want him in it… that’s whats so shit!

  2. These fears are normal. I don’t think you’ll end up alone though. I’m sure you WILL get your happily ever after–it’s just, we never know WHEN that’ll happen–and I’m pretty impatient, so I understand that can be frustrating.

    • I hate the not knowing, if someone would say to me it will happen, and definitely know then I think I could relax, but when there’s no one at work, no one in my life and I seem stuck in my routine…. it all feels awfully hopeless!

  3. Can I just say (since it’s letting me comment on Your blog) that I’ve felt all these same things over the past year. Heck, I STILL feel a lot of these things! Being alone, not being enough, life going horribly awry 😦 So yes to being best friends, that’s for sure.

  4. Scared I’ll be pushed beyond breaking point and no one helps.. Are anti depressants going to solve my problems? Would counselling saved Robbie Williams? I ask if a criminal was on the run wouldnt he do the extreme not to get caught? I like your point of experts not making any action BEFORE crisis yet some people keep pushing me. They all ask her how she is affected and they dont ask. Im not bad but you gotta crack an egg to make an omelette.

  5. Pingback: Pet Bloggers Gift Exchange: 25castleson25clouds - Oh My Dog!Oh My Dog!

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