The Dating Game

I never really understood the idea of the ‘dating game’ until now. When I signed up for the “free” dating site I promised myself I would be me, spots and all. I picked a picture which is good… but not my best and openly admitted on my profile that I had been hurt in the past, that I didn’t want to play games and that I was just looking to see what happens

I was honest.

In fact in some moments I have been maybe a little too honest; like when I told one guy he had no way to know that when he said his day would be better if spent with me (we had exchanged about 5 messages!).

But then I met someone. Well then I met two people. The connection is enough that we have exchanged phone numbers and are in the process of planning dates. One of them is so lovely. He has similar values to me, we have deep conversations and he texts when he says he will. If there is any game playing from him, then he is doing it very well as as far as I can see he is just a straight forward, honest, sweet guy. He seems safe, reliable, caring … I just don’t know if there is a spark.

The other …well he’s an ass. I don’t trust him, but I think that’s because I could fall for him. Hey, a tiny bit of me may have already. His sense of humor is so on par with mine and I usually laugh at loud through most of our messages. He challenges me and every time my phone goes I hope it is him. In fact I have started checking my phone repeatedly throughout the day in the hope that if I check enough one will appear!  The downside with this guy is I think he probably invented the dating game.

He either responds straight away or takes hours. He complains that I can’t meet him sooner, but then doesn’t reply with any sense of urgency if I send a message. If you look at the ‘sate’ he is shown as live on there right when he’s not replying to messages from me.

I have told him if he isn’t interested then he should let me know. But he claims this couldn’t be further from the truth and we have already booked in a second date. I’ve told him I’m not a one night stand kinda girl and if that’s what he’s looking for he’s wasting both of our times. Again he says he’s not.

We’ve added each other on Facebook and have spent some evenings just chatting back and forwards.

Hes driving me crazy.

He turns me into a psycho crazy stalker bitch who is already complaining about him not responding to messages quick enough.

He sets off a whole heap of alarm bells. (I mean if he doesn’t respond quickly when I’m new and exciting what happens when we’ve been dating for months? What if he only wants me as another notch?)

He gives me butterflies.

He gets me excited about a future.

He has me considering cancelling plans to meet him (I’m not going to, but I want to!)

I know I don’t know him. I know it is early days and he could be anywhere. I know I am partially enjoying the thrill of the chase. I know I am still not looking for exclusivity and forever. But there is something about this guy… I want to know more.

And so I am changing. I can feel it happen, but I can’t seem to control myself. In my moments of clarity, I know game playing isn’t good; long term it won’t achieve anything. If he likes me then he likes me and I don’t need to play games. If not then game playing is only going to slightly extend that period of time before his true colours are revealed and we both walk away. Plus I’m already assuming that he’s not interested because he takes forever to reply, what if he is thinking the same and with us both gradually ‘pretending’ to be less keen we will both give up and walk away from something that we both actually want? (Hurting your head yet?)

But also I know that if someone is too keen it scares me off and I don’t want to scare him off (although I’ll be amazed if the psyco stalker bitch thing doesn’t) so guess at how long is long enough to appear keen but not desperate…

So now I feel like I am playing a game and the prize is him. Only it’s not because I don’t actually know him and he no really idea if I want him. The prize is this imaginary version of a guy who I may or may not like and the hopes for the future that I have stupidly built up around him.

I have become this……

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10 thoughts on “The Dating Game

  1. Why are we so drawn to the ‘bad’ boys? The ones we know give us that gamble of breaking our hearts? Oh how I wish I had the answer to that one.

    • I wish I knew, maybe we hope we can save them? I know if I look at my exes they have a line of ‘issues’ as long as my arm. But then we all have our issues so… maybe we are bad girls in disguise??

  2. Yeah, we all know it’s good to end up with someone who brings out our best side. But it’s human to be attracted to things which sometimes bring out our… ? not so best?

    Everyone’s different. But I didn’t feel a spark when I first met the person I’ve been married to for 25 years. He kinda grew on me… like a wart. Or a fungus. 🙂

    So I wouldn’t suggest you make chemistry a deal breaker if you actually enjoy someone’s company.

    • I’m not going to. Like you said I believe things can grow. I know when I first met the ex I thought he was fit but didn’t think it would go anywhere. Then the more time I spent with him, the more I fell for him… idiot man!

  3. All this sounds very familiar from my own and lots of friends and sisters’ experience – exciting but frustrating at the same time. I’m intrigued about the other guy – the one you’re not sure there’s a spark. Maybe you should give him a chance to prove there is and meet him again? But what do I know?! I hope you are OK and that things unfold in a way to your liking.

    • Thank you. Just because there isn’t an immediate spark doesn’t mean I am writing him off, I’d be very excited to meet him for a coffee – even if it just turned out to be a new friendship in the making!

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