Online dating here I come!

Well I’ve done it. I picked a Username, bitten the bullet and I am now officially online dating. I feel like a failure. I feel like it’s a big sign over my head saying “couldn’t meet a guy the normal way” and I could cry!

I don’t know how I expected to feel; excited probably but I’m not. It feels like yet another situation that I don’t really want to or deserve to be in. I don’t want this. I don’t want to have to meet new people, find out their likes and dislikes, play the dating game.

But we don’t get what we want, do we?

I had a dream last night. Not the good, the world is going to change kind of dream. This one was a sex dream. This one was a sex dream featuring my ex. This was “my ex is having sex with another woman in the next door room to me” sex dream – we’ve all had one of those right? :0S It was very PG and in no way racy, and to clarify my ex wasn’t even naked in my dream… but he there was. and he was focusing on another woman. I was in the adjoining room, with one of his friends trying to decide whether or not to sleep with him in a “2 fingers up, anything you can do I can do better” revenge shag. I still hadn’t made my mind up when I woke myself up.

I’ve felt numb for most of the day. It’s been a year, surely I should be past this?

Giving it time didn’t work. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about him and wish he was stood outside my door begging me to take him back. I know I couldn’t. I know there is no trust. But on days like today when it has just been one pile of shit after another I wish he could take me into his arms and make it all ok. But he can’t. I have to find a way to make it ok on my own. I know online dating isn’t the way to do that. But perhaps getting out there, meeting new people will be a start!

6 thoughts on “Online dating here I come!

  1. Take it one step at a time and meeting new people is a good start. Just go out there and have fun. Let go of the past and embrace the future. You have come so far. Don’t look back, look forward. The world is your lobster as Del Boy use to say.
    Best wishes Molly

    • Thank you. I am definitely trying too! I am hoping that this will just help me get out there and have some fun. I’m not even sure I am in a place where I want to meet someone. I am just trying to be laid back and take it as it comes!!

  2. I see this as a good thing. Online dating can be funny, you might not find mister or misses perfect but it is worth a try. It is not sad or daft to want to find happiness.

    Ps, I met Blokey because of an Austrian chat site. Neither of us even speak Austrian!

      • We were both there as the website, although mainly Austrian with a few Germans, had a handful of Brits. All there for the same reason, free sms messages. So i type a message online and it goes to a real mobile phone – either a user on the sites phone if you used their nickname or a normal UK mobile number.

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