I don’t know about you, but when someone new follows my blog I can’t help but have a little look at their blog. Part of me thinks its the least I can do if they have bothered to visit me. I will read a couple of their posts and then decided whether or not I will follow the blog. Usually I do, unless I can’t figure out exactly how to sign up for notifications (which happens more often than I would like!) What can I say, I need the email reminder when someone posts something new, and there are a few people (Leo I am looking at you) who’s blogs have decided that despite me trying to sign up to follow their blogs I didn’t really mean it and so refuses to tell me anything meaning I have to try and remember to pop across and say hello – which I always try to do, but to be honest I usually remember I need to pop by and catch up when I am in the shower, or driving, or trying to get to sleep. Basically if I am away from internet access and a computer you will be on my mind but when I am sat in front of my computer bored…. well let’s just say i will probably end up something random like Cookie Cutters which causes me a whole other lot of problems and concerns (which you can read about here) Anywho, I digress.
The other day I had a new commentator on my blog and so I decided to pop across and say hello.
The problem was the ‘post’ I picked at random to read kinda contained a bit of a red flag in it – well at least to me it was a red flag, to normal people it was probably fine.
To cut a long story short I’ve just gone bat shit crazy on a strangers blog and I am now a little worried!
Basically the guy said that he has ended some relationships because “it was in the best interest of the other person as they would only get hurt later down the line”. Guess who fed me that exact same crap…. I don’t know how you feel but to me it’s one of those ‘it’s not you, but me’ kinda conversations and basically I find the whole thing slightly condescending. Take the ex for example. Apparently the reason he broke up with me was because in the end I would regret being with him (???!!!!) Yes, we had problems. Yes, there were issues but that was his main reason for calling it all off. Basically what he is telling me is he doesn’t trust me to know my own mind, and I’m sorry I find that insulting!
So this poor blogger got both barrels.
I told him how condescending I found that comment and challenged him that actually I think he is afraid. Either afraid of committing or afraid that this may happen so is doing a preemptive strike. If I kick you out now then you can’t leave me later. I know the signs. I’m trying to live the fall out of that sentence and it makes me mad. The entire reason I am not with the man I love is because he walked away, because he wouldn’t take that risk. Not because we argued, not because we didn’t love each other, in the end he decided we wouldn’t work out and so we didn’t. You can’t fight or work on that.
I get it. Making a commitment is huge. Making a commitment after being hurt is even huger and scarier (trust me, I am there) but to blame someone else for your fears……..
The man I loved walked away from me. He claims to have loved me more than he has loved anyone ever and yet he left.
Love wasn’t enough.
Loving me wasn’t enough.
That terrifies me. If love isn’t enough, if love doesn’t win. Well, not only have a been lied to by Disney and every love song for most of my life, but it means that next time even if I do meet someone, and we do fall in love…….. well that may not be enough; they may still leave.
That terrifies me.
But will I face my next relationship saying “well love isn’t enough and I know you’ll leave so why not just go now”. Of course not. That only leads to a lifetime alone.
This guy and my ex are living a self-fulfilling prophecy. If they continue to push people away, to not take the chance well of course they are going to end up alone – they won’t let anyone stay!
As you can see I am extremely passionate and fiery about this. I just want to bitch slap some sense into both of them and anyone else who is living alone claiming the rest of the world has the problem.
Take a risk. Step out of your comfort zone.
You can’t experience highs without lows.
You can’t expect to have a happily ever after if you won’t take the risk to get one.
I haven’t linked to the post which has inspired today’s post. God alone knows what the guy is thinking after I left my lets say passionate comment (it sounds better than crazy lady rant) to find out he has in a round about way inspired an entire post may just convince him I am completely crazy.