I’m at a crossroads; in fact I have been for quite a while. I think I have told you before how I am not fully fulfilled by my current job. But having recently found out they are bringing someone in to take over the fun aspects of my role and paying them over twice my wage for the privilege. A slight victory for me is that I have mentioned how upset I am with various managers and when I was told that their intention is I learn from this person and they almost made it sounds like I would finally take over the role. However, I have been promised things before so I am not holding my breath.
I haven’t been happy for a while and had I stayed with the ex my intention was to go back to school to re-train. The plan was short term he supported us both with the view to a long term financial gain for the both of us but that ain’t happening.
So now I have to decide by myself and more scarily financially support myself through this as well. I had planned on giving myself a year and look at training this time next year after I had been settled in my house for a while and knew better where I was. I decided I would investigate each potential job fully and even look at some work experience in the role before fully committing but I do worry that I am never going to make the move.
I am terrified of making the wrong choice. It may sound silly but with a hope of children in the not so distant future I am aware that I need to have spent a number of months or years in a role before being eligible for maternity leave. Then consider my hope to significantly reduce if not totally stop working once I have kids and I don’t know if I will have time to achieve my new career dreams. So I think stay where I am until I have had kids and then re-train when they reach school age, but it could be a long time until I have kids. I know that anyone older than me reading this will tell me not to worry, I’m still young, there is still time but right now it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I have a massive decision to make and it’s all on me. The ex was always very good at advising and helping me way up situations – hell it’s part of his job. I know I could ask for his help, but I can’t I have to make this decision on my own…. and I just don’t know.
Part of me thinks it’s only 12 months. Just give it 12 months and then start looking. But that’s 12 months of hating my job and clock watching, working alongside someone who is doing the job I want, the job I am partly doing on significantly more money. Talk about feeling undervalued.
I don’t know what to do and it is freaking me out. I can’t make a decision and I just don’t know.
I’ve been through so much over the last 12 months, hell over the last 5 years that part of me wants to tell just stop for a while. But I don’t feel like I have that option. I need to strike now, while the irons hot.. I just have no idea where to strike!
Um, anyone hiring?