My hormone levels seem to vary throughout the month. However I don’t appear to have mild dips it seems to be I am on some sort of all singing all dancing rollercoaster of hell. You know the ones you seem at a theme park and just think no (or you do if you’re me!) Obviously I have the ‘weepy stage’ and the ‘eat everything I can lay my hands on’ moments but I I also have the slightly scary ‘so tired I could fall asleep here’ moments and even more worryingly ‘the wheel is spinning but the hamster has packed his bags and gone on holiday!’ In fact once I did have a ‘accuse all of my male friends of being sexist because they wouldn’t hit me’ day (true story!)
The thing that scares me is how little control I seem to have over my body/mood when one of these mood swings hit. You will be pleased to know the sexist rant was a onetime occurrence.
The ‘tired’ week when I am just shattered all the time is a little worrying. Basically I just can’t find the motivation to get up. For about a week it becomes even more of a challenge to get out of bed and on occasions I have finally pulled myself out from under the covers at the time I should be getting into my car to arrive at work on time.
The first few times it happened I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with me. I knew I was going to be late, I watched the minutes roll past and thought “gonna be cutting it fine”, “really should get out of bed”, “if I don’t get up now I may be late”, “yep really going to be late” in fact once I was finally pulled myself about 5 minutes before I should have been at work (and at the time I had a 30 minute commute!)
Since I have become aware that this is an almost monthly occurrence, I have become better at fighting it. I go to bed earlier and I let myself off a little so slightly push the time limit most mornings to try and allow me to catch up on the sleep I need and for the moment (touch wood!) it seems to be working.
However my new ‘hamster holiday’ phase has gotten me a little scared. I walk around like a zombie. I feel unconnected to my body and can’t seem to don anything to snap out of it.
This week I have had two slightly scary incidents. The first, I missed a car turning and nearly ended up driving into the side of it. In my defence the idiot in the other car was driving far too fast. But that doesn’t matter, for some reason I missed it and it nearly resulted in my accelerating into the side of the pricks audi. Later that same day I popped to the shops to do an urgent grocery run, and I lost the receipts from this shop on the way home. I was a little worried, because of my over-active imagination, and I did panic for a while that someone would find the receipts and run up a huge bill, but retracing my steps didn’t find them so I said a quick prayer and went home to make tea. However turns out I didn’t just loose the receipts. Last night (over 24 hours later) I realised I had also lost my credit card. That lead to a full on panic!! Turns out that because I was distracted by trying to find some change to drop into a charity tin, I walked away from the till leaving my credit card in the credit card holder and I didn’t realise until I went to pay for something else. Had I not gone to pay for something else last night I would still be none the wiser.
It scares me I have become this scatty.
It scares me even more I have become this scatty and live at home.
I know some of you may be reading this and wondering why I haven’t gone to see a doctor. The truth is I went when I was first diagnosed with my polycystic ovaries syndrome and the specialist was worse than useless. Long story short she wanted to put me on some drugs that would completely stop my periods (a big no as if you don’t shed (sorry) you can develop all sort of problems including cancer!), make me gain weight (which I have a tendency to due to the pcos), have skin problems (again a problem I already struggle with due to the pcos). However the doctor was very keen to point out that it would provide me with a form of contraception which was of bugger all use as at the time I was single, not having sex and so had the contraception thing all kinda taken care of!