I know it is very un-English to discuss money, but my blog, my rules, so here goes.
When I took my new job, after the bullying, I took an enormous pay cut and I’m still not financially as well off as I would like. I suppose I am not alone in thinking I should be paid more money for the job I do. But I may surprise you to admit that I actually don’t think my wage is that bad, more I think other people are earning stupid amounts of money for the roles they have and I worry that the cost of living is just to high.
Before it was never much of a problem I have always lived within my means and latterly I have had the support of the ex. He was brilliant in helping me manage my money. I contributed to the household bills and such like, paid rent, bought food; but he only ever asked for a contribution which he knew I could afford. I didn’t sponge off him but in the back of my mind I knew that between us we could cover all our monthly out goings and both put a little into our savings. I knew that if money ever became tight I could ask him to ‘cover me’ and I would pay him back later.
However he has gone and with it I feel I have lost some of that support network. I am not completely alone, I have my parents and I know they would never see me loose the house or go hungry. Hell I’m certain they would give up their house before they let me loose mine. But I don’t want to take money off my parents (plus I am currently indebted to them for more than I would like as they helped with renovation costs!) Suddenly it is up to me to live within a budget, go without things I can’t afford.
I’ll be honest this scares me. I like to think I’m not flash or spoilt – I’d rather spend the day walking with the dogs then spending money shopping. But as I consider stepping out into the dating pool once again I am going to need money. I would like to think on a first date the guy would offer to pay, but I want to be able to cover my share of the tip if needed, and if the date goes well I would like to think I would be able to offer to buy him a drink as a thank you for paying, and as a way to extend the night. The same goes with seeing friends. I know staying in with a bottle of wine doesn’t cost much, but when we are all saving you’ve got the cost of petrol, a bottle of wine, maybe some chocolate…..It all adds up!
Last night I want shopping. I went into Lidl and then Tesco. I stood for ages adding things up, looking for the best deals, taking things off the shelves then putting them back, and yet I spent nearly £70. I knew part of this shop was to stock the cupboards and so my basket contained some staples which I will not have to buy again for a while, like salt, pepper, mixed herbs, oil etc but still that is an awful lot of my food budget blown already. Add to that I then had to fill my car with petrol, another £50 and I am panicked. That’s over £100 in less than 2 hours.
I have bills coming in soon. I have to eat for the rest of the month. I still need to buy key items for the house – fridge freeze, sink, dishwasher (that one’s right at the bottom of the list, more of a nice to have!) I am worried that I’m not going to be able to afford to do this.
I’ve toyed with taking a second job. But by the time taxes are taken, and I am shattered is there any point? Plus when would a second job give me time to see friends, family and BD and Mity?
I was hoping I would be getting a nice pay rise and that I this would mean things would be tight but manageable. That didn’t happen. I’m scared.