I’m back (as promised!)

Well that was an eye opening few days. It has involved some good laughs, a few eye opening moments, quite a few tears (mine) another deep and meaningful with the ex (which he kinda started) and a couple of irate phone calls to yet another crappy energy company. And after all of that I feel like I’m in quite a good place at the moment.

Having my friend come to stay was a mixed blessing. He is such a sweet lovely guy…….. and yet a little bit of me was relieved to see him go. In a weird (and slightly cruel)  twist of fate living with this guy for a week made me realise how good I had it with the ex. My friends heart was very much in the right place and we did have some good times, but I struggled with finding stuff for us to do, struggled to find things that he would eat and in all honesty, although I appreciated that he has spent a lot of money on tickets to come and see me, started to resent that he didn’t offer to financial contribute to anything when he was here.

On the first evening we hit the supermarket to sort food for the week. Everything in the basket was to feed us both for the week, and then he grabbed a few additional bits for himself. He paid for the few items he had selected. I paid for the rest. I wouldn’t have taken any money from him, he was my guest, but I would have appreciated the offer.

Unfortunately this shopping trip set the tone for the week.

We went somewhere. I drove. I paid for parking. We had pre-booked ticket to the theater, I ended up paying for them both. He nipped into the shop to buy a few additional items and grabbed a baking tray for me (cost £3) he asked for the £3 back.

Not once did he offer to pay for anything. No offer to pay for the food I was eating, no offer to pay my entrance fee for the places we visited and when he went he took the ‘additional items’ he had bought back with him.

I have to admit this changed my attitude and my usual generous nature started to vanish. I became withdrawn and moody. I felt so guilty and grumpy.

Add to that my friend seemed to spend a lot of time playing on his phone and at times I was about ready to snap.

Another slight problem was his answer to the question “what do you want to do?”. The response ‘I don’t mind’ although considerate, leads to you both sitting in front of the tv for hours on end watching nothing, achieving nothing…… until one of you starts playing on your phone again!!

This lead to my heart to heart with the ex. I was worried that some of the traits I was seeing in my friend were the traits that had lead to the split.  I have been known on occasion to answer ‘I don’t mind’ when asked what I want to do, and I know the ex often put his hand in his pocket when we went out (although this was partly due to his wage packet being larger than mine!) At times I was feeling less than appreciated but my friend didn’t seem to realise. I am sure had I said something to him he would have been mortified but I didn’t want to raise it and part of me thought, maybe tomorrow he is planning on doing something. It made me wonder if this is how the ex used to feel? Was I as clueless as my friend? Had I without realising it made him feel half as bad as I did?

So I sent the ex a message. I said if I had ever made him feel like this I was sorry, I had not realised and it was not my intention. This lead to a longer conversation and truth be told I feel better for clearing the air.

I don’t know if it was him telling me he isn’t coming back (despite everything I still hope…. sometimes) if it was just the fact that for the first time in months we were having a proper conversation or if it is just the sun shining through the window and me going home to my lovely little house tonight, but today I am looking forward and feeling positive.

 

 

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One thought on “I’m back (as promised!)

  1. I think the experience of your friend never offering to pay for anything would have left a bad taste in my mouth too. I always try to pay my own way, so it confounds me when others don’t. I don’t mind paying a friend’s way, especially if I know they have kids to take care of or if there are other legitimate reasons why they may not have the cash. But most of my friends at least attempt to offer to pay their own way. Or they give me a heads up that they don’t have much money.

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