I assumed that ‘dating’ (I use that loosely, it should read going on dates) the ‘pregnant goldfish’ would be a safe way for me to dip my toe back into the dating pool without anyone getting hurt. I had been completely honest with him from the start and assumed that he wouldn’t fall for me and I was pretty certain I wouldn’t fall for him. I assumed we would have a bit of a laugh together and no-one would get hurt.
I was wrong.
Turns out even having a guy you’re not interested in cancelling on you does hurt….especially when he cancels on you twice.
The first time he cancelled I was more annoyed. There was a lack of a good reason and it was slightly bruised ego. Just because I was interested in him doesn’t mean that he can’t be interested in spending time with me. But this second time really hurts. I can’t help but wonder what it is in me that means that guys just don’t want to spend time with me. At least this time he gave a reason (proof that men can learn) but I’m not sure I believe him.
The annoying thing is looking back on the previous date I was tempted to cancel. In fact anyone I have told about the date has told me to run a mile at high speed. But I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I didn’t want him to feel rejected and so knowing we would have a laugh I thought go out to eat, split the bill, then explain that you just want friendship.
I knew getting back in the saddle was going to be tricky. I knew that it would take time, and heartache, but I didn’t know that the hurt would happen so soon; makes me doubt even more if want to get back on the horse at all.