And relax

At the weekend I decided to treat myself to a ‘hydo-mud-wrap-type-thing’ and treats myself to a little me time  I deserve some R & R right?

The session was lovely. It involved being covered in green mud until i resembled a fat incredible hulk before being wrapping me in silver foil and left to fall asleep relax for about half an hour. After which I got to enjoy a lovely hot shower to wash off the mud (which took forever) and was covered in a heavenly smelling moisturiser before being sent back out into the real world. It was heaven and I enjoyed every minute of it.

However, I don’t know if this is just a me thing (probably) but I always have a mild panic just before the procedure starts. . The young girl was lovely (yes, I have reached that age that I judged hated her for being younger than me, probably more successful and definitely having better skin) and explained the exact process. I had to strip to my pants, removing my bra if I was comfortable enough to do that.

Side note: I developed a lump in my breast in year 8 at school and although I was assured it was nothing I was sent to have it looked at by various doctors…. all of which turned out to be male. Some of the male doctors were training other male doctors and so I lost count of the number of doctors who saw and felt my breasts. I assume this is why I have no  embarrassment around breast and I would quite happily show mine off to the world. In fact I am weirdly quite proud of my breasts and am certain they are one of my better features. In fact I would quite happily share a picture of them on here but I don’t know if we are quite ready for that level of friendship quite yet and I don’t think we won’t to get into the whole I showed you mine do you have to show me yours kinda thing!! Side note ended, back to the main story.

The girl explained that she would start by coating my back in mud before I rolling me over and coating my front. She asked if I had any questions, I didn’t and so she handed me a towel to cover myself and then left the room in that quiet calm manner beauticians seem to have.

This is when my panic set in.

You see I always worry they will come back into the room before I have fully stripped and so I remove my clothes in about 60 seconds flat. I then jump onto the table and really start to stress as I have no idea what sort of position to lie in and because I have taken my clothes off at speed I have a great deal of time to lie there and worry about how I should be position on the table for when the masseuse re-enters the room.

I usually start by lying on my back, arms by my side, staring at the ceiling but then I worry that that is too clinical and so I move to a second position. Usually this next position is sitting up on the table holding the towel over me with one arm to hide my modesty. But then I worry that that is just too weird so I lie back down, but turn onto my side to see if that is any better; hint, it’s not. This weekend I reached a new low of weird positioning when I decided that whilst lying on my side I would raise on knee. Basically that screamed ‘come-hither’ and in desperation I collapsed back on the bed and decided to turn onto my front, which made sense with her starting on my back or at least I hoped it would.

Having decided I was safer on my back I discovered a new problem, what was I going to do with my arms?! I started off holding myself up with my elbows but this gave a clear view of my boobs and so I felt I should hide them with the towel. But using the towel to hide my chest left my back exposed which wasn’t too much of a problem as I was wearing big knickers but I did worry she would think I was weird lying on the towel that she had given me to cover myself with on a bed that was already covered head to two in towels?

I abandoned the propping up position and decided to lie flat. Now all I had to decide what i was going to do with my head (was it more comfortable looking left, right or with my head straight down) and where should I put my arms. I could have my head looking left or right with my arms under my head, I could look left or right with my arms at shoulder height or I could have my face looking down, left or right with my arms straight by my side somewhere near my knees.

It was some where in the middle of me flapping my head around like some sort of demented something whilst appearing to be silently acting out “head, shoulders, knees and toes” that she re-entered the room.

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