Losing my mind

Day 2 of the holiday. Day 2 of messages from him. Yesterday he didn’t know (had been told but forgot) that I was away, today he apologised for disturbing my holiday. The problem is I want him to be texting because he misses me, I want me being on holiday without him to be killing him as much as it is me. But I know the reality is,he’s selfish, and so wrapped up in his little world that he,hasn’t even spared a thought to think about how I am. He’s been on one long holiday celebrating since he broke my heart, whilst for me….. Well you guys know better than most.

The problem is I continue to miss him every second of every day. I see something and think “I must tell him” or ” he’d like that” or “that reminds me of the time….”.

I am not a completely lost caused. I hate to say it but I have realised there is no going back. Before now I knew that’s because he wouldn’t take me back, but now I know I can’t take him back . How could I ever trust him? When would it all get too tough and he’d walk away a second time, a year? A month? After we had kids?

Strangely, coming back to the place we had our last holiday together (not my choice, more circumstances have brought me here I was offered a free holiday, I didn’t care where) has made me realised this really is the end. I hate it. I don’t want it to be. But there is no other option. So I’m using that knowledge to hate him in a hope that that will lead onto getting over him. God knows loving him still is no longer am option.

8 thoughts on “Losing my mind

  1. Hate and love are so close, you need to just wish him well with his life and start your’s.. Now we wanna see how this house is coming on.. I am setting you up a date line on the interweb, that way you won’t wanna text him, you can just have a laugh at all the singletons.. If you ..Something something..should of put a ring on it hawhahwhahaha i can’t remember the word LOL xxxxxxx

    • I am working on it – I promise. As for the house I’m just feeling a little blue about it. Mixed feelings about moving in and I feel that at the moment it’s just never going to come together!

  2. We all move on when we are ready, you will too. Does it help when I say, he’s not worth your precious tears? If it does, I will say it more. 😉

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