another small step forward!

So I did it. I have officially set off on vacation without him and I’ve managed it with only three sets of tears which (over share warning) when you take into account I came on this morning and am so at my most emotional I don’t think is too bad. When you take into account this morning was the morning the prat changed him mind and decided that he wanted back my house key – I think I did pretty spectacularly!! Although I do not let myself into and out of the house when he is about, and I know where he hides the spare keys for when he isn’t! I did ask when we separated he broke my heart if I could keep the key, not as a keepsake of the relationship but because the house was my very first house said I wanted to keep it as a momento and that has never been an issue until now. I don’t know what’s changed in his life to change his mind!

Anyway, so the holiday another thing ticked off my list, another thing I’ve been forced to face because he was a coward that gave up to easy.
The really heartache is that he would have loved this place. Log cabin within the vacinity (but not close enough to be near lots if people) of the lake districts. I can see him sat next to me gazing at the view, I can see bd lying in the small gated garden (well I could if they allowed dogs), I can see us enjoying my amazing double bed and the extremely large bath tub made for two….. I hate missing him. I am so beyond aware that he doesn’t deserve these tears, and yet they still come. The pain still comes. I want to hate him, I need to hate him. But how?

8 thoughts on “another small step forward!

  1. OK now listen, you know I am harsh but I love you.. This is the end and he is telling you, loud and clear..key back! You have got to stop wasting your tears and energy on someone( who you love) that isn’t returning it. You are young and beautiful, you are a DIY expert now, you are funny and have so much love to give. STOP wasting it on him. I know it’s hard but you seriously have to move on. Next post, I don’t want to hear about him.. i want you to tell me, you are strong and you are SO moving on. Love you xxxxoxxxxx

    Mollie and Alfie

    • perhaps you need to take a week away (I was organised and pre-programmed some!) don’t worry I am genuinely trying to move on and i know that even if he said he wanted to I don’t think I could ever go back – I just don’t think I can trust him!

      Despite how it appears I am not sat at home crying for him (all the time, honestly it’s quite rare now) I am getting out there and moving on with my life. Its’s just weird taking these steps without him – I thought we had agreed on forever.

      love you right back xxx

  2. Oh dear. It is hard, it really is, but at some point you will let it go and realize you are beautiful and worth so much more than what he gave you. And you will find someone who loves you the way you deserve.

    It’s hard to let it go….I know, but you can do it.

    • It seems to be something ‘out of the ordinary’ that makes me sad. I’m coping with day to day but then I’ll change my routine, go away or go see a mate and it will make me miss being able to tell him about it, and come home to him. But don’t worry I know he didn’t deserve me and that’s what really matters – plus with each new thing it will hurt less!

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