So I did it. I have officially set off on vacation without him and I’ve managed it with only three sets of tears which (over share warning) when you take into account I came on this morning and am so at my most emotional I don’t think is too bad. When you take into account this morning was the morning the prat changed him mind and decided that he wanted back my house key – I think I did pretty spectacularly!! Although I do not let myself into and out of the house when he is about, and I know where he hides the spare keys for when he isn’t! I did ask when we
separated he broke my heart if I could keep the key, not as a keepsake of the relationship but because the house was my very first house said I wanted to keep it as a momento and that has never been an issue until now. I don’t know what’s changed in his life to change his mind!
Anyway, so the holiday another thing ticked off my list, another thing I’ve been forced to face because he was a coward that gave up to easy.
The really heartache is that he would have loved this place. Log cabin within the vacinity (but not close enough to be near lots if people) of the lake districts. I can see him sat next to me gazing at the view, I can see bd lying in the small gated garden (well I could if they allowed dogs), I can see us enjoying my amazing double bed and the extremely large bath tub made for two….. I hate missing him. I am so beyond aware that he doesn’t deserve these tears, and yet they still come. The pain still comes. I want to hate him, I need to hate him. But how?