I know that that makes me sounds like a 3 year old. I know that in actual fact I am an adult, but when I was weighing up whether or not I was ready to commit in yesterdays post I knew a major factor would be my parents help. Although he would be my dog I would need their support, basically I would need a good dog sitter for me to have any life outside of the dog. My mum said “let’s talk about it” but my dad wouldn’t and said it was a “stupid idea” and thus the conversation was ended. My dad isn’t usually like that, over the last few months he has listened as I have worried about my new house, worried about work, the ex… you name it he has listened and supported me on. But for some reason, last night there was no conversation it was a no.
The downside is I had made my mind up to wanting him. Well I’d not decided I wanted him more the idea of someone else having him made me feel sick to my stomach. It felt right, like he was my destiny. It felt like I felt about my house when I saw it for the same time, or how I continue to feel about the ex (yep, we’ll leave that there!!)
For the first time in 6 months the idea of leaving work and getting home excited me. I saw morning and evening walks across fields, I saw weekends off hiking up some sort of hill, I saw a life. I was still unsure. I was going to have to introduce him to both BD and Mity and it would all depend on how he would react being left for such a large portion of the day. But my dad’s firm no has robbed me of taking the next step, or at least that’s how I feel.
So now I see evenings sat in watching TV. Me alone from one evening to the next (unless I have BD of course). I know I was worried about the social life having a dog would rob me of, but when I think about it what social life? Yes, I will see my friends, but they all have partners, kids, lives, the vast majority of my time will be spent alone (Well annoying you lot on twitter). Yes, I will have days away, weekends away, holidays but when you break down my year a whole portion of it would be just me.
I know it is not up to my dad, but I am not naive enough to imagine I could have a dog full time alone. For that to happen I would have to give up any sort of social life which I just can’t do. I would need to have support and dog sitters. I text my sister to see if she would on occasions dog sit and she wasn’t overly keen. In fact the only person massively supportive (who I contacted in a moment of weakness) was the ex who said he would be more than happy to factor a second dog into the BD dog share scenario and would take it off my hands any time I was busy and needed it looking after. Which opens a whole new can…does he not realise that he didn’t want me in his life and so he can’t support me in that way? I am very aware that any day he could find someone new, or I could really piss him off and he can take BD and vanish. Plus if he meets anyone new, well they won’t want the ex around; he can’t commit to me long term any more. I am all too aware of this – why isn’t he??