Sorry to suddenly vanish on you, but life kinda got a little crazy and I kinda got a little messed up, but now I am back.
So what’s happened since I last bored you….
I completed on my little house, which you know. But on walking back into that house I suddenly realised that this time round it wasn’t going to be like last time, and not just because this time I am doing it alone. The last house we walked into was clean, tidy, completely random and put together by Mr and Mrs Bodgit but after throwing around some bleach (not literally) I was quite happy to move into the house. We completed on the Friday and on the Monday morning I left for work from my new house. This house is just a little acky and so unlike last time I am having to completely gut the house before I can move in.
Going away for a week with work really managed to mess me up. I had the most amazing time, but while I was there I missed him so much it reduced me to tears. I shed a tear every night alone in my hotel room, and sobbed all the way back to my parents house on my return. I don’t know why this trip had such an effect. I think it could have something to do with not texting him to tell him I was there safely, and trying to fit in a quick 5 minute phone call to tell him I was alive. I had the most amazing time, and really enjoyed myself but the ache I felt… it was almost like I was back leaving for the very first time. I am trying to get over him you know. There was a phone number swap with a guy, although it isn’t going to go anywhere, and I will admit to you that some drunken bar flirting with a stranger lead to a quick kiss goodbye. But I still missed him.
Coming back from the week away was hard. I think I had enjoyed escaping my life and the stuff that is going on, although I didn’t really escape anything. I think that’s why I’ve stayed away from here for a while. I have totally thrown myself into my house, and have so much to tell you about that, but even that is different to before.
However, my holiday came to an end and I can’t run any more. It’s back to reality. Don’t worry I haven’t been on a complete downer that entire time I was away, this last week I have changed so much and I have never felt so empowered and thrilled in my life. I am taking on new challenges and have realised that I am capable of doing anything I decide to do. Except it would seem get over him, or is that the problem? I don’t want to get over him, I want him back.