I miss him. Even today, when I have spent the full day flirting with another guy. I miss him so much I feel sick and could burst into tears.
I have found someone new and lovely.Let’s called him Bob. However in true how do I pick them style, Bob is a divorced father of two who is old than him and his eldest daughter is only a few years younger than me. Don’t worry I know that this is never going to be anything. But Bob is being sweet, attentive and reminding me of him when we first got together.
Their sense of humour is very similar, the conversations are very similar to the first conversations we had, and it is killing me! Hell, they even have very similar jobs. They have similar likes, in fact the only thing they don’t have in common is that Bob thinks he is an idiot for ending it with me, whereas he…well who the hell knows what he’s thinking. All I know is I didn’t mean enough that he fought for me, for us.
I feel like I’m in a catch 22. Until I find someone new, I won’t begin to get over him, but before I don’t feel I can find someone new until I have moved on. I would hate to be 4 years down the line and say “we met too soon” after the previous relationship – I’ve received that conversation and it’s no fun!
I don’t know if part of this is panic that things are finishing on my house. I know have a completion date. And although this does get me uber excited, it also scares the hell out of me. It’s as if I had somehow marked certain situations that would bring him back. His birthday, my birthday, our 4 year anniversary, Christmas, Valentines Day… yet he doesn’t come back. I know he isn’t going to, but I still want him back. Even after everything, all I want is for him to take me in his arms and make it all ok. Because he could. If he really wanted to he could turn up on my doorstep right this second and begin to make everything ok. Only he won’t. He doesn’t want to. And that also makes me feel sick.