I’m back here again

I miss him. Even today, when I have spent the full day flirting with another guy. I miss him so much I feel sick and could burst into tears.

I have found someone new and lovely.Let’s called him Bob. However in true how do I pick them style, Bob is a divorced father of two who is old than him and his eldest daughter is only a few years younger than me. Don’t worry I know that this is never going to be anything. But Bob is being sweet, attentive and reminding me of him when we first got together.

Their sense of humour is very similar, the conversations are very similar to the first conversations we had, and it is killing me! Hell, they even have very similar jobs. They have similar likes, in fact the only thing they don’t have in common is that Bob thinks he is an idiot for ending it with me, whereas he…well who the hell knows what he’s thinking. All I know is I didn’t mean enough that he fought for me, for us.

I feel like I’m in a catch 22. Until I find someone new, I won’t begin to get over him, but before I don’t feel I can find someone new until I have moved on. I would hate to be 4 years down the line and say “we met too soon” after the previous relationship – I’ve received that conversation and it’s no fun!

I don’t know if part of this is panic that things are finishing on my house. I know have a completion date. And although this does get me uber excited, it also scares the hell out of me. It’s as if I had somehow marked certain situations that would bring him back. His birthday, my birthday, our 4 year anniversary, Christmas, Valentines Day… yet he doesn’t come back. I know he isn’t going to, but I still want him back. Even after everything, all I want is for him to take me in his arms and make it all ok. Because he could. If he really wanted to he could turn up on my doorstep right this second and begin to make everything ok. Only he won’t. He doesn’t want to. And that also makes me feel sick.

10 thoughts on “I’m back here again

  1. OK Mother here, you need someone without baggage… You are young and beautiful, start your own baggage. Think of your new home, what you want to do, make it yours. Trust me, you don’t need a man to make you happy. That Prat does not deserve all the tears and heartache you are giving him. YOU have to MOVE on. Loads of love xxxoxxx

    Mollie and Alfie

  2. I’m back here again too. You know I love you and we have nattered. I wish I had a magic wand and could make it all perfect for you. I know it’s so hard and it tares your heart out..but if you don’t get it back, you have to draw time. Perhaps when you have moved on and are enjoying life, one day he will look back. He isn’t the one for you, he isn’t going to come to his senses, and come knocking your door down. You know that. Please trust me, there is someone special out there for you, just learn to love and like yourself, enjoy your own company, and they will turn up. I have been there and all I can do is advise ..It breaks my heart that he wanted you to move in , then kicked you out.. Don’t be his puppet darling, you have a wonderful life in front of you. Love you and I want to read you have met someone and are totally happy. xxxxxxxxx

  3. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know I can’t. You can, and will, get over him. You don’t need someone new for that. It wouldn’t be fair to the new person. It’s natural to mourn, but you deserve better and once you start believing that you can start to heal.
    Concentrate on the positive things in your life and doing the things you want to do for a while.

  4. I’m just playing catch up and reading through a bunch of posts. You are having a time of it aren’t you?

    After my divorce I dated some and eventually met my current husband, despite the fact that I was in a fresh relationship, I still continued to love and dream about the old one. I would even dream that he would come back and want me back. Why I have no idea because he was no catch. Even years after having remarried, I would still dream of him. Thankfully it stopped which I think was just time finally working it’s magic.

    As for the spots, well I’m going to be 54 and still occasionally get a spot. When I was younger it got worse in the winter on my chest and back and I think that was to it being covered all the time. 😦 Have you heard of Proactive? Many folks have had good results with it.

    So hang in there my friend, life will get better, and you will find someone who appreciates you for the amazing woman that you are. In the meantime, no harm in being friends with Bob despite the age of his kids.

    • The great thing about Bob is that he lives about as far away from me as I can get so it’s just harmless flirting and a bit of a confidence boost!!

      Thank you for your kind words.I will look into the proactive although I did initially read it as Prozac – perhaps I should look into that too!

  5. This is probably just a rebound relationship. You can’t really have a full relationship with Bob so long as you’re thinking about the other one. It wouldn’t be fair to Bob. So don’t be surprised if Bob doesn’t work out. Dating is good for trying to move on, but it will probably be some time before you’re able to fully commit to anyone.

    • Bob wouldn’t work out, but it’s just nice having someone who wants to flirt with me. I’m not leading him on though, he knows that the age thing is just too big. I’m closer to the age of his eldest than him and that just doesn’t work for me!!

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