I am my own worst enemy, and I am certain I am not alone. On the odd occasions I actually know what I want to write, which usually happens as the result of a dog walk and no where near as often as I would like! I will sit down and start by trying to come up with a witty and enticing title. In fact I will spend so long coming up with said title that when I finally begin to write I will have totally forgotten the content for my witty, engaging and life changing post – just play along, I’m having a bad day and don’t need lip from you!

Today’s awe inspiring post was going to be about ‘learning to love yourself’. I was going to tell you how last night was actually great fun and on the whole I think very productive. Without prompting he informed me on the process of his divorce (the fact he is actually getting divorced is massive as it was the major cause of our arguments when we were together!) we hung out and I spent most of the evening curled up next to BD as he snored on my knee. It proved to me that I do want him in my life, that I do want him back (Ok that bit I knew) but it also proved to me that I want the whole package and if he doesn’t step up I will, one day, be strong enough to find someone else who will.

I was then going to cleverly tie in the fact that the major part of last nights counselling session, with an actual qualified counselor not just chatting with him, was about how I can’t say ‘no’ and will tire myself out running around, trying to please everyone and usually fail to please anybody. I spend my entire life stressed, in fact he said this was one of the things he found hardest about living with me. I’m not talking about normal stress, I get everyone has that. But I will book back to back appointments to fit everything and everyone in and then have to leave one friend early to arrive late with my other friend resulting in unnecessary stress. We mentioned the ‘no’ thing as well. I can say no if I am busy, but I find it impossible to just say ‘actually you know what I don’t feel like it’ without reprimanding myself for weeks after and stressing (yep that word again) for weeks after that the friend I said no too now hates me, will never want to see me again and now has a Lauranne shaped voodoo doll. Actually that last bit is a lie, I don’t think that anyone thinks I am that important enough that they would waste time, energy and money on producing a voodoo doll about me.

And I was going to finish if off by saying I am so busy with work, the buying a house thing, the ‘pressure’ to blog (which I love but when you sit at the computer and don’t know what to write), the figuring out what my future holds, seeing friends, figuring out finances, fitting in an MOT, running a volunteer website, I never find time to just be. And so I was going to cleverly say this valentines day I am going to look after myself and recommend that regardless of other plans spend a few hours just looking after you.

Yes, that’s what I was going to do. But having spent half n hour trying to come up with a witty post my lunch break is up so you will never know I had all that in me! Be sure to join me tomorrow when I will not be sharing with you the fact I am turning into a human pizza – actually that’s a pretty cool title. maybe that post will get written!!

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8 thoughts on “

  1. I hope you have some fun tomorrow – think of it as celebrating the approach of Spring!
    I’m looking forward to hearing how you’re becoming a pizza!

    • So far day going well – singing along at top of my lungs to some love songs in the car with slightly different lyrics e.g the abba hit “if you change your mind I’m the first in line, honey I’m still free because you dumped me”
      Now that’s the kinda fun you can’t pay for!!

  2. I think today’s post is pretty witty. That voodoo doll thing was silly. 🙂 I can see what you mean about stress. I am a ‘must-be-on-time’ person and will make a point to try to be where I need to be a little early for just in case there is traffic or something. So when my husband takes his sweet time getting ready, I get so frustrated. I try to be more relaxed about it, but it is difficult.
    If I tell someone I am going to do something, I will do my absolute best to come through, even if it means stressing out. I know this about myself, though, so I have learned to say no. I’m actually pretty good at it now. I hope you can figure out a way to say no without feeling guilty. I’m sure if you do a Google search on learning to say no you will find some good tips. There are ways to do it without hurting the other person’s feelings or letting them down.

    • I’d not thought about googling it! I am just trying to be more sensible. This will sound crazy but it’s like i have a calm rational side and then this crazy other side! I am now asking myself am I being silly in thinking a friend is never going to talk to me again because I have said I want a quiet night in? and I’m working really hard at focusing on myself.

      However saying no to my stupid work load is another issue – but I am working on it!!

      • I’m not exactly sure of your situation, but this is one tip I remember reading:

        Schedule your work. List your tasks, prioritize the most important, estimate how much time each will take you, then fill in your schedule with exact times for each task. When someone comes along and asks if you can do something, look at your schedule in front of them. When and if you find an empty slot, say, “Sure. it looks like I might have time next Friday to do it.” If it is your boss telling you it needs to be done sooner, ask him which of the things on your schedule can you put off? If it is not your boss, but a co-worker asking, tell your co’worker that if they need you to do this for them, then they need to ask your boss about putting something off. You are not telling anyone no, but you are putting the responsibility on them to decide which is more important.

  3. It’s so hard to find time for you, and to say no. I go in phases, but it is so important to be kind to yourself and listen to what you are telling yourself you need right now at any given moment x

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