Today it would appear I am suffering from writers block, the words just won’t come and so instead of the witty post I was hoping for your going to have to settle with this instead….. Tonight I have been invited for dinner with him and I have accepted.
I feel that I should justify this decision. Explain how this will help me figure things out. Lie to you that actually this is a really positive step and will help me on the road to getting over him….. but I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I am going because I want to see him. I am going because I think that if I stand any chance of winning him back it will be by spending time with him reminding him that it wasn’t all bad. In fact it wasn’t even half bad.
We had a proper good heart to heart at the beginning of last week. He admitted that he has some growing up to do. He also admitted that when he asked me to live with him he made a mistake, he wasn’t ready to live with me and he apologised for that. There were moments when I thought “yep, this is it over” but then there were moments when I thought “perhaps there is hope”. We discussed my new house and I informed him that even if he said he wanted me back right this second I’m not coming running. I am getting my house and we have a whole lot of foundations to rebuild.
In fact you should have seen his face when I informed him that I didn’t want him. I’m not living in some fantasy ‘it was all perfect and look at those unicorns’ world. He has issues from a past relationship, heck we both have those!, he is grumpy, short tempered, short, always tired, older than me, doesn;t know if he wants children, doesn’t want to get married, and he is in no physical way similar to the men I usually go for – has brown hair (and before him I only ever dated blondes), he has tattoos (sorry but not my thing!) he has a bigger build than my two previous exes combined…… I could go on. But there is just something about him. He attracts me to him in a way no man has previously, he challenges me and makes me want to be a better person. Despite the ‘sensible part’ of me saying move on you are so better off without him, something deep inside says “hang on he’s worth it and not just because you don’t want to be alone, because give it time and you will find someone else, someone more suited who wants everything you want and likes everything you like” and the idea of someone new makes me feel sick to my soul.
Despite comments from friends, family and strangers in the streets I just can’t give up on us, not quite yet so tonight I am going for tea. So now I’ve told you guys would you mind telling my folks??!