Todays post is dedicated to the very lovely Donna – thank you for inspiring me (and sorry it’s a day late!)!
I know my friends and family worried I was going to give up too much to be with him. I can understand how they may feel like this but due to a conversation I had with my very wise Uncle a few years ago –I never felt like I was losing out on anything!
I must have been about 14 when I turned to my Uncle and stated that I couldn’t wait to get married. I can remember he asked ‘why’ and so I told him. Well I get to have a big dress, and have my dad walk me down the aisle, to ask people to be my bridesmaid and have a big family get together. My Uncle turned to me and said “but that’s a wedding, not a marriage!” And he was right.
Weirdly, since before I met him whenever I thought of my wedding day I had an image in my head. However it isn’t of the traditional church wedding. I would love to get married somewhere hot, next to the sea. I imagine me walking down the aisle in bare feet and a very simple white dress and guest which consist of immediate family and a few carefully selected friends. Weirdly, dating him gave me the freedom to finally admit to this dream.
The words of my Uncle have always stuck with me. I want a marriage, not a wedding. That is how when I thought I had found the right guy I could so easily walk away from the ‘big white wedding’ that I don’t know if I want. The one thing I do know is that I want to find someone to share my life with. I want the commitment, an agreement to figure our lives out together, the promise of “better or worse, sickness and in health, til death do us part.”
Many people say marriage is just a piece of paper, and my thought is it is…. and it isn’t. The legal side of marriage is in my opinion, very much a piece of paper. Ok it makes things legal, gives you something in the eyes of the law if things don’t work out as planned but at the end of the day it is just a legal agreement and that piece of paper can not a marriage make.
A marriage is about so much more. It is about making a commitment and meaning it. Figuring out a way to get through life together, taking on the world to keep each other safe and at the end of the day if someone is willing to make that commitment and promise to me does it matter where the promise is made? What I’m wearing? What I will eat after? What matters is that that guy is standing up and saying I want you to be my everything forever and meaning it with everything he is!
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Your uncle is very wise. A wedding is just for a day, marriage is forever. I was very laid back about my wedding. While my mother, step-mom, and mother-in-law were fussing over the details they felt had to be perfect, I was shrugging my shoulders and trying to tell them that it didn’t matter if the day didn’t go perfectly. So what if the flower girl had yellow flowers instead of pink to match my wedding colors. So what if one of the bridesmaids accidentally stained the hem of her dress when she got out of her car. So what if it was cold and rainy that day. So what if I accidentally stepped on the front of my dress while walking down the isle. And so what if I had a big pimple on my chin the day of the wedding! Actually, I’m making some of this up but you get my point. 😉
It is very true and very important to remember, I got so mad of people saying, O we would get married if we could afford it. As far as I am aware anyone can afford to get married, not everyone can afford to have a wedding!
O and I so want to play guess what is really and guess what is made up!!
There isn’t much I can add to that great comment.
He was a very wise man! I was thinking of you today – hope your well!
It shouldn’t matter where you get married, what you wear as long as you love each other. I know friends who have spent thousands on LUXURY weddings, two years later in the divorce courts. When the time is right, you ( as in all of us know) it’s not about the frills.True love, a soul mate is hard to find, they are usually right under your nose, it takes a while for you to see them. Mine took me 4 years, i never fancied him or looked at him as anymore than a friend. I found mine, you will too 🙂 Love ya xxxxxxxxx
Thank you for having faith when I am not so convinced! Think I may just stick to dogs – you know where you are with a dog!! XX
Very wise words indeed. I’ve not come across your blog before but thank you so much for linking up this post with my marriage/love linky. It would seem that you’ve been through some horrible times and these conclusions are relating to your heartbreak. I hope you find happiness one day and the true man of your dreams. I am sure you will.
Thank you very much for popping over and saying hello. It’s amazing how thoughts change as life throws experiences at us isn’t it!