He’s so full of …it!

Men are liars. Not all men, just those that breathe in and out and let sound escape from between their lips! Ok I exaggerate slightly. My daddy is certainly not a liar, neither is my immediate family (although I wouldn’t say it is completely free of knob head men) and I do have some brilliant friends. In fact until recently I had mainly male friends, as I always found them easier to get along with than woman, but that came to an end when they all developed girlfriends. Turns out some girlfriends are not so happy with you hanging out with that girl you once drunkenly pulled at a party. And I know from reading your blogs that you have managed to find some very lovely significant others whom you share your life with, and I only go a very slight shade of green when I read all about it! ;0)

However seeing the very different way that men and woman seem to deal with heart-break I can’t help but feel that womankind in general should be allowed to take out a man or two, with their car, as some sort of service to society! For example, I am currently watching two break-ups play out. For one of them the man ended the relationship (couple a) for the other it was the woman (couple b). When both relationships ended the dumpee of the relationship said that they would give the dumper some space to decide exactly what was needed. And both agreed that they both stated that they wanted the relationship to be re-kindled and that they would wait and love the dumper for as long as it takes.

Fast forward 4 months and couple b have had some space apart and the dumper has said that the space was exactly what was needed and they would like to re-kindle the romance. However turns out the dumpee was lying slightly when he claimed to love the dumper forever, and has started what he is describing as a serious romance with another woman. I am not in any way judging him for rebounding or even for not wanting to take the dumper back, but to introduce this woman to family, friends, and children so soon after a break up and after such a short space of time???

Now we examine couple a. Again when the relationship was ended the promises were made, and the idea to work it through was promised. In fact when the lady from couple a expressed her annoyance that after all the promises, all the exclamations of love, he was walking away so easily she was told “but this is my way of fighting for us.” Yet where is the evidence? The dumpee in this scenario spent weeks agonising and analysing the end of the relationship. She looked back over the last four years for evidence of where everything went wrong. How in less than a year the relationship could change from “I love you more than I ever thought possible” to “you need to get out my house.” She cried herself to sleep for months, and even now something tiny can set her off. She knows that time will heal everything, but even this scares her as this means losing the connection with the guy who was her world. Everything she packed up when leaving the house she thought carefully about, would the memories be too hard? And much of it she just walked away from. Meanwhile he has gone out and added to the kitchen collection that they were slowly buying together. The items that they had spent months deciding on for a pattern, the first things they bought together for the house. To begin with it was just small useful things, an inside compost bin to replace the one she had taken, a utensil jar, but now it’s egg cups, cream jugs and a sugar bowl…..he doesn’t even take sugar!!

I can’t help but feel that he has been lying to me. Probably not intentionally, he was probably lying to himself as well. But I cannot understand how after 4 years and ‘I love you more than any other relationship’ he can be so fine in such a short space of time. Either the ‘I love you’ was bull or his claim that he was fighting for us was.

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10 thoughts on “He’s so full of …it!

  1. The problem is in how people perceive relationships. When two people get into a relationship without getting married, it’s implied it isn’t really forever. If two people are truly committed to being together forever, then get married. The stuff about being afraid to commit should be a huge red flag. Unfortunately, the ease of getting a divorce also makes marriage less sacred. People think to themselves, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, we can just get a divorce.” Marriage should be viewed as forever and should only be broken in extreme circumstances. Otherwise, if a married couple is having problems, they should sincerely try to work it out… with counselling if needed, and separation only as a last resort.

    To me, once you get separated the relationship is over. It doesn’t make sense to separate in order to get closer to someone. I think people use the excuse of separation to end a relationship they didn’t really want, but didn’t want to end the relationship for fear that they might be wrong or for fear that they would hurt the other person’s feelings. I don’t blame that guy one bit for moving on, even if it was only a few months later. Why would he want to stay with a woman who wasn’t even sure if she wanted to be with him or not?

    Sorry to be so strong on this. Having gone through both separation and a divorce, I’ve learned some very valuable lessons. I vowed to never marry again unless I was absolutely certain about what I wanted and I was absolutely certain that he wanted it too. Sure, things could get rough. But I believe that since we both have the same view about the sacredness of marriage that we will be able to work through those rough times properly.

    • Firstly, anyone is extremely welcome to strongly express any feeling on here. (so long as it isn’t illegal or just plain nasty!). I love to hear from people, and if our views disagree it is just another way for me to look at something!

      You’ve so just inspired todays post. So I apologise if this response is a little on the short side, but to come back on a few points.

      The other thing that I don’t get is I am in a position where being with someone new terrifies me. The fact I can be left so easy, the fact that I love you means nothing, the fact that you can think you have forever and it can be taken away. I can not get my head around how he has moved on to such a ‘seemingly’ very serious relationship so soon. Especially as two weeks before coming out with someone new he was begging his now ex to take him back, claiming he would never love anyone else. As far as I am aware they did try everything before taking the step of separating.

      • I understand you’re perspective about being too afraid to start a new relationship because that is how I was too. But everyone deals with loss differently. You can imagine how terrible this man (we’ll call him J) must have felt when she left him. Can you also imagine what him having to beg for her affections did to his self esteem? He probably not only felt empty inside, but also the lowest of the low. This new relationship is likely a rebound relationship and not likely to hold. But J is probably grasping onto someone else because he desperately needs to be needed and because it is his way of dealing with loss.

        Separation is cruel because it ends the relationship while at the same time implying that the two should still be connected somehow. How is that fair? How is it fair that she left him, but J has to keep his promise to love her forever? I know you’re afraid to meet someone new, but if a man comes along with all the right stuff and treats you like the special person you are, you should not be blamed or judged for moving on. You deserve someone who appreciates you. Don’t you think J does too?

      • Yes he does. But it goes back to trusting my ex. The big thing I struggle with is even now he claims he loves me yet he gave up and walked away with such apparent ease.

        Same with J how in the space of 4 weeks can he change from I love you forever to I’m having children with someone new? It’s tricky as with everything it isn’t cut and dry and there are some factors I’m not sharing on here because it isn’t my right to.

        Separation sucks!! x

      • Separation sure does suck. You’re right. I don’t know the whole story. One of my personality strengths (or annoyances, depending on how you look at it) is to try to see everything from every angle. So since I don’t know both sides, I can’t help but to try to see things from the angle that wasn’t presented. People at work never liked to gossip around me because I always tried to point out the positive sides of a person or situation rather than focus on the negative.

        Sorry again, if I came across as as harsh. My intention was to try to show things from a different perspective. Thanks for still allowing my comments! 😉

      • You did not come across as harsh. I put stuff on here so that you can force me to look at the other side of a situation, sometimes you have to step away from a situation to see stuff that isn’t obvious.

        I would have shared the full details around this, and have not purposefully kept anything back but I would hate to share too much as it is not my story to share – does that make sense?

        I wanted to mention this couple as it backed up my men seem to act differently thought process, but I didn’t want to over share what is a very hard time for two people who I care very deeply about! X

  2. Just to let you know, didn’t blog the weekend so have a few posts to catch up on tomorrow.. I will sit down with a coffee tomorrow ( or a stiff drink LOL ) and catch up with what I have missed. Big Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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