Today I just want to forget about all the rubbish that is going on.
This morning I got to take Mity for his morning walk, and I loved it. So what if I spent a little too long walking him, and had a massive panic when I got home that I would be late for work (I wasn’t!) I had a fab time just being in the moment with him. I am very aware that because of the current situation I can’t help but feel like I am being so rubbish for Mity. I don’t clear days in my calendar so that I can see have him. I don’t pencil out a night to spend curled up with him in front of the settee – these things happen without me planning them but does this mean I am not ‘in the moment?’. I worry he deserves better than me!
And tonight, I get to pick BD up from the kennels. I am so excited that I am literally watching the seconds role by and today is dragging something chronic. But I am not going to let this worry me.
I am also not going to let it worry me that this weekend, he is back into my life. It’s tricky. I worry if I put too many restrictions and rules on when I collect BD he will stop me seeing him and that would break my heart. But he’s the one who ended it, he’s the one who forced me to leave my home, my BD and him… aargh!