looking forward

I am facing 2014 alone. And although this seems very obvious to most of the world, the one person struggling to comprehend this fact is yours truly.

This time last year I was a month into living with the man of my dreams, I was living a life that made me happier than I ever thought possible and I was dreaming of children, marriage and a life with him. Yet, here I am less that 12 months later, buying a house alone and learning that sometimes dreams don’t come true.

Turns out that 2013 hadn’t quite finished kicking my ass, and so I have ended the year finding out that a pre-OH ex was even more of a horrid lying lowlife than I originally thought. Unfortunately, this revelation has come at the potential cost of a very good friend and the post OH rocks that I have begun to rebuild my life on have well and truly being kicked out from under me.

The other highlight is that OH decided to be o so supportive during this period and cancelled plans with his friends so that he could cheer me up. In fact on New Years Eve and again on New Years day OH told me that I am his world, that he doesn’t want anyone else but that he still doesn’t really want me. However I still want him, I know I shouldn’t, I know that by putting me through the last few months he doesn’t even deserve me but I want him back. In past relationships I have ended them knowing there is someone better out there for me, however even now I am wondering is there anyone as good……

I don’t quite know how I am going to mend the big whole that has been left in my heart, or deal with the heartache that the last few days of 2013 has thrown at me. However, I know that I am doing this alone. And it both frightens, scares and excites me!

2013 you were shit…2014 what will you be like?

6 thoughts on “looking forward

  1. Hang in there. You can do it! Sorry to hear about your friend and the pre-OH ex. It doesn’t help our perspective of relationships, does it? 😦

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