This thought came to me this morning as I pulled up outside the house I used to live in to take BD for a walk around the village I used to live in before settling BD for the day and undertaking the commute I used to take before OH (technically) kicked me out of my house.
Stupidly, one of my first thoughts when I moved out of my old house was “what will the neighbours think of me if I move back in”. (Well it did make a nice change from the “where did it all go wrong” “why doesn’t he love me anymore” “what’s wrong with me” and “how could he do this to me” questions which we on a constant loop in my head.) However, this has come to bother me deeply that I would let something as stupid as worry what people think about me stop me from doing what I want to do in my life.
Obviously when asking myself these questions I also try and answer them:
• Wow, does that girl have no self-respect? If it was me he wouldn’t see me again for dust!
• How desperate is she to keep going around the house?
• Do you think she cheated on him and that’s why he chucked her out? (I didn’t and wouldn’t!)
• Do you think she has put on weight?
Notice that this list is all negative, not once have I given myself or the neighbours any credit. I haven’t decided that they would think “wow, she is very dedicated to BD I don’t know if I could love my dog so much that I would put myself through the initial heartache she felt” or “I wonder how she is doing” or “I hope she is ok”.
This morning I took BD on one of our favourite walks. This walk I would do with him every time I was responsible for his morning walks and today one this walk I decided not to worry. I am going to stop caring what people think, I am going to stop let negative comments affect my life and the way I live it.
Right now I have amazing friends, family and bloggers who have supported me through some of the worst weeks of my life. I value all the advice and support I have been given, and appreciate everyone who has spared a few moments to give me some advice. However, right now I feel I am at a cross roads – I don’t know if the decisions I am going to make are going to be the right ones, but they are my decisions and I am going to own them.
Here I go…