I was reading a post over at Human Rescue dog and the title got me thinking. I have been a little quiet on the post front recently – well they have been there but so that I could tick of that I have posted that day rather than the subject massively appealing. The reason I have been so quiet is (as with so much in my life) I am struggling.
The launch of my blog was for multiple reasons; I wanted a record of the next few years of my life. You see the ex and I had different views on what the next few years would look like. I saw a couple of years of living together in our dream house, where I would write daily witty posts about “learning how to live with a boy”‘ or “DIY success and failures”. I signed up to follow some of the best pet bloggers I have seen and looked forward to sharing all the crazy things BD did on a daily basis as well as having a community to go to for advice, strength and encouragement. I had seen the fellowship so many other bloggers have and I wanted that for myself. As well as signing up to pet bloggers I ensured my inbox was filled with baby bloggers too as although neither of us wanted kids in the immediate future I had hoped within a few years I would be telling you all about my experiences with pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and I wanted to be as clued up as possible. I had my life planned out…..you know what they say about best laid plans.
I also had hoped that maybe, just maybe I could make a living from blogging. I saw other people do it and I longed for a job which I could be really passionate about but would allow me to work from home so that I didn’t have to leave BD on a daily basis. I dreamed about how my spare time would be spent helping at local rescues, walking BD, raising my children as a stay at home mum. I was going to live the dream and write all about it.
However, sometimes dreams don’t come true. So now I morn the end of a relationship and a life that I wanted. Not only has the end of this relationship left me with heartache and a whole pile of emotional baggage to rummage through, but it has taken away all the content I had mentally penned out for the next few years.
This blog was about recording my life, and I will still do that, but I am worried that while my life is currently a whole load of boring I am going to drive away readers by the bucketful. I want the community that I have seen online for myself, yet with you all having so much going on with your own lives I worry you aren’t going to want to come and spend some of your precious minutes in my dark little corner of the web. This has meant for the last few days I have sat down and started to write “fluffy” posts but I can’t get them to the point that I am happy to press publish and so they have sat, as has this blog.
It’s a little bit of a catch 22, I am worried that by writing about my life I am going to drive away the community and friendship I am so desperate for. I signed up to a pet bloggers exchange hoping to find my identity there and then spent two days worrying that I was going to receive an email telling me ‘thanks but no thanks’ as I didn’t quite fit in.
When asked ‘Why do you blog’ the honest answer is to record my life but somewhere between this want I started chasing comments and likes. I visit my stats page daily and worry that if they have dropped I need to be funnier, more interesting, more relevant, less me. So as with the rest of my life I think I need to re-look at my blog. I appreciate each and every single one of you that visits, but I have to go back to my original love, my original aim.
Hello, my name is Lauranne, and I blog to record my life. I have no idea where this will take me, I can guarantee that there will be tears on the way, but I can also promise their will be laughter (sometimes at me) sharing and honesty. If you want to stick with me then I can make you no promises, there may be months of me sorting out my head, I may go weeks without sharing anything of note but I promise that I will be me. This is why I blog!