I need your help. This weekend I was not coping so well, I was unwell, heartbroken and just generally a bit crap. This resulted in me not wanting to get out of bed on Sunday and generally weeping every time I did well anything…. I walked into the kitchen and sobbed, the advert I was watching on the tv ended, I sobbed, I drank tea… I sobbed – it really wasn’t great!
(Another OH moan starting now – if you don’t want to read it skip to the below bit in bold!)
I kept going around and around the same set of question about why had he given up so easily? how had it gone wrong so fast? Why didn’t he love me?
Backstory: When I first met OH he did all the chasing, I was moved into a new office shortly after we had met and had he not one day walked into my office to bring me a coffee because he was ‘early for a meeting’ (since admitted it was a lie and he just wanted to see me) I would have been out of his life forever. He drove through really bad snow so that we can walk the dog together when we were first dating, changed his route to work so that we could share a commute together which I now realise added about 1.5 hours onto his commute, and at Christmas (less than 12 months ago) he bought me some very expensive jewellery. I am not indicating the cost, just more the sentiment on why spend that much money if your going to kick them out in a few months! If these memories were from years ago, and I could say “it was good in the beginning but things had changed” then I could see why we were now apart. But in May he told me he loved me more than he had every loved anyone in his life, May that is like 12 weeks before the split which is 2016 hours or 120960 minutes!!!
I was talking to a colleague about these ‘burning questions’ and doing a very thrilling “he said, then I said, then he said” (don’t worry I made him a cuppa by way of thanks and his advice was very similar to how I initially understood the situation. However as time has passed I have forgotten this and dragged myself down into this really bad place.
(start reading again now!)
The advice was… “he clearly loves you (whoop!) but is afraid to commit. He thinks you will hurt him again (he has been massively hurt in the past!) and so he has decided to step back rather than take the risk. It’s as if you are both stood at the top of a cliff and you are trying to decide whether or not to jump. You (meaning me) can’t hold the rope forever waiting for him (OH) to make his mind up, you have to tie his rope to a tree and then jump. Only he can decide whether or not he will follow and if he doesn’t well you have taken the leap anyway and so you aren’t missing out hanging around at the top.”
So this is where I am asking for your help. I want to remember this when things get hard as at the moment this thought is really helping. I would like to put something motivational about this analogy in my room which will replace the space left by the removed picture of OH and myself. The problem is the “stood at edge of cliff etc etc etc is going to take up a whole load of room which I don’t have. And so dear readers and friends I am asking if you can come up with something short, sharp and inspirational that I can put on my mirror instead?
What do you think?
“As I am broke there isn’t a prize apart from a big hug from the universe for helping a girl out – and really that’s the best kinda prize is it not?!)