Wow just when I thought I couldn’t sound more pathetic I came up with that title. I had another title all picked out “It’s time” and I even started writing it. This post was positive, about how although I am petrified I have decided that the time has come for me to move on and start putting myself first. I was even going to tie it back to a film that OH and I watched together. I can’t remember the name of the film but basically a husband and wife were involved in a car accident, she lost her memory and her husband spent the entire film trying to make her fall in love with him again – the best bit is that this is based on a true story!!
I deserve that kind of love, I deserve someone who will give me their all, after all that is exactly what I gave to OH. So I decided that I would start putting my life back together and if OH decides he does want me back well he can damn well put in a little effort. However as I was writing the first lines I realised that I had promised OH I would wait for him until the new year, give him time to try and sort out his head and heart. Having been cheated on by most of the woman he has ever dated, I didn’t want to be another woman who said one thing and did another. In fact when we separated I did point out that I was the first woman who he had dated that kept her promise.
So if I break it now does that make me as bad as them? How do I mend my heart while still being true to my word? Or is it past that – do I have to screw him over and put myself first?