Tonight I get to see BD, and ok it will only be for a few hours but I am looking forward to it so much that I couldn’t sleep last night.
I am worried however that seeing him for a few hours is a completely selfish act? Am I not better to let him forget all about me? Will it be too traumatic for him to see me and have to leave me again? Will it hurt me to much to see BD and OH?
I am hoping that the weather will be nice so we can go on a nice walk, but I am a complete wuss and so if it is too dark we will just stay at my parents, play with Mitys toys and cuddle on the floor. Mity and BD have always gotten on fine, until one day I let my guard down and BD had a growl at Mity – I will never forgive myself for that laps in judgement as now they are only ever so slightly on edge when they are together. Or are they, my dad had them both one day while I took mum shopping and he said they were fine together so I hope I’m not putting an edgy feeling into the room?
I just want the few hours I have with BD to be amazing, and not to have to worry – I love him so much! OH said to me would I be as upset about the break-up if I wasn’t loosing the dog and house as well, and I must admit this is something I have thought about.
I am trying not to put too much emphasis on tonight in terms of me and OH. I have had friends advise me to look my best, remind him what he is missing, I have had other people tell me not to do this and cut them both out of my life forever, one friend told me to dress smart casual and when I suggested skinny jeans and a hoody the comment back was “do it you have a great arse” so things aren’t all bad! However I do know I will be gutted when he doesn’t fall on his knees and beg me to take him back and there is a tiny part of me that is questioning if my need to see BD is tied in to my need to see OH? Although I know that if OH wasn’t dropping him off I would still want to see him, but hey I like to stress and analyse every scenario!
One of my friends has strongly advised me against tonight, saying that if I want OH back I should completely cut him out of my life for the next three months otherwise how will he know that he wants me? This makes me sad, angry, concerned and worried. Why when it comes to something as life changing as matters of the heart do we have to play games? Why do you have to play hard to get to get the guy? Why do boys from a young age decide pushing a girl over in the playground is the way to show you care?
Why is it so wrong to wear your heart on your sleeve?