Yes I am showing my age slightly but who cares!!
Trying to figure out what should happen in a split, that isn’t really a split. When your OH tells you he needs you to move out to think, but then can’t tell you if this is going to be a permanent split or just a few months while he takes some time dealing with issues that he should have dealt with before you two got together and it feels as if he has taken your heart and smashed it against the rocks of despair, you kinda have to make it up as you go along. Well meaning family and friends will offer advice, shoulders to cry on and a glass of wine or three but in the end it is up to the two of you to make up the rules.
I know that if we are going to get back together, OH has to miss me. I know I have had to leave for him to realise what he has lost, and I know that as much as I want to call him and tell him about my day, I can’t. The problem is I am rubbish at self-control and OH seemed to think that despite the fact we were splitting up, it would be great for me to call him every day, to tell him about my day and let him sort out my problems (sorry but if you don’t get to feel like your in a relationship, without the commitment, not if your dating me!) so when a very wise friend of mine suggested we took some time out from each other, a period of no contact unless necessary, I jumped at the idea!
My friend suggested a month, I said I thought it would take OH at least 6 months – 1 year to sort out his head, and somehow a period of 3 months was suggested. I liked this idea, and so proudly came home….trying to pretend I was not going to be completely destroyed by this split, and that I was taking control of the situation…and told OH that I was bringing in radio silence for 3 months (which later became until the 31st Dec – new year, new start see what I did?!). He hated the idea since the minute I suggested it, but this time I stuck by my guns and so after a initial wobble 5 minutes after he had left and responding to his I have arrived safely text, radio silence has been instigated. Last night I cried on my friends shoulder at the realisation that for the first time in over 3.5 years we had contact for more than 24 hours…
And then this morning I walked into work to see he had sent me an email funny. What does that mean? I have looked at the date and time of this email, he is abroad and usually this means his internet is switched off on his phone, does this mean that he sent it a week ago and it has only just landed, is he sat missing me and thinking about me regretting his decision, or does it mean absolutely nothing????
????????????????
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I can see how that would be hard to put out of your mind. And hard to wait and see.
I’m so bad at waiting!!!
I do understand how you feel and what you going through. A few years with my previous relationship we (me) decided to take a “break”, that was really hard, he would send messages with 2 words “Miss you”, I was convinced he wanted to mess with my head.
We worked things out, just to split for good a year later when I decided to move and he couldn’t follow, we are still friends, we travel together. I’m now married and I still get those “Miss you” messages.
How horrible! At the end of the day I still care deeply for him, and if he needs this time then I just have to give it to him.
Don’t worry I am not a complete doormat, I have given him a deadline to sort himself out and there are various changes he needs to make before I will consider taking him back.
Has your ex not moved on, I could understand waiting while you were both single, but with you happily married – congrat by the way! I won’t wait forever and I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t really want me!