I’m leaving him…

Finally the weekend has arrived, and I am moving out of the house I have shared with OH for almost a year. The house that we chose together, moved into on the same day, made into our home, and I dreamed dreams based around. The last few weeks have been hell, we are living together as if nothing has changed (I know I have had the it’s not healthy advice from all my friends) I have slowly put my belongings into boxes, and OH and I have discussed in details what will happen when I go, what he needs to fix if he ever wants to come back and everything in between.

Both of us are preparing for this weekend in a different way.. I have a number of friends on speed dial for the moment he walks out the house.. a lovely weekend with my folks planned… a box of tissues at the ready. OH has a lads holiday to France to look forward to…he walks out our front door, onto a ferry and returns a week later when every inch of my existence is removed from the house – I can’t help but feel he has the better deal?

The only member of the family who has no clue what is going on is BD, or does he have a clue? They say that dogs have a sixth sense about these things, and he has been very attentive to me the last few weeks….

BD is amazing, despite all his issues, he is the most loving dog I have ever met. When I was off from work ill on Tuesday, he spent the day curled up at my feet or next to me. Over the last few weeks as I have shed tears (and boy have I shed tears) he has sat next to me so close…and once even liked the tears off the end of my nose. One of his many skills is to pick up a tennis ball or convenient toy, and growl and toss it about and play with it until I have stopped crying completely and am instead am laughing my head off at him.

His unconditional love for me is evident every time I look into lovely brown eyes… and yet on Saturday morning he will walk out on an adventure with his dad and come home to a house where I am not. I am leaving him.

Every moment that I have with him between now and then I am spending it tell him how much I love him, how I don’t want to go, how I don’t want to leave him, how it isn’t his fault… and OH has agreed that I can see him once a week and have first refusal at any dog sitting duties. But my concern is how will BD cope when I am gone? I hope with all my heart that he won’t even register, but as since moving in I have taken over the role of chief trainer, groomer, and couch snuggle partner I can’t help feel he will miss me as much as I will miss him.

OH has pinky promised me that he will continue to point out to BD that none of this is anything to do with him, and tell him daily how much I love him.

But none of this matters cause I am still leaving him!

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