Well to be honest with you, that’s nothing new… I am always late.
I once heard somebody on the radio (I can’t remember who) state that people who are late do not care about other people, that they think their time more important, and are generally horrible. This really upset me as I am always late!
I don’t do it on purpose, on the odd occasion that I am running on time or even early to leave the house, I make the mistake of trying to fit in one final job, or errand…I’ll just hang out the washing, I’ll put a load of washing on… however I am usually just running late.
The problem is if I am every anywhere early I start to panic – have I got the date wrong, the time, the location? – and if the person who I am meeting is late I check my phone at least 5 times a minute worrying that I am in the wrong. So how do I get round this worrying – I make sure I am the late one.
I have been doing it for so long, it is now a standard joke that I will turn up somewhere late (and I am ashamed every time I do) in fact my nearest and dearest have even started telling me an earlier meeting time, and even I give myself an ‘I need to leave the house now’ time which factors in me being late.
This time though I am talking about periods of time… and that period is now three months and counting… I have done multiple tests all negative. I have polycystic ovaries, and so have never been regular, and usually when they do come can be found passed out in the nearest toilet from the pain.
Usually all I need to do is become slightly worked up and that’s my counting the days for at least a week, but now I am getting slightly more worried…… It sounds horrid but I don’t want to be. When OH and I first ended it, I did have the very selfish thought of “I wish I had his child and then he would be always in my life, and I in his” but now I am worried if I am he will be guilted into coming back to me, and I want him to be with me for me not for any other reason.
This is now constantly on my mind, especially as I am currently feeling so swollen my trousers which fitted on Wednesday are now unzipped and buttoned as I am so uncomfy.