I know, I know, life isn’t but right now I just want to stamp my foot, throw a toddler style tantrum and curl up under my duvet until sometime next year.
Turns out me living in my fantasy world of “maybe if I just pretend really hard” hasn’t had the desired affect and I am still looking at moving out of my house next weekend. I don’t want to put up lots of wallowing posts, but I’m struggling to put a positive spin on what is happening at the moment.
I keep telling myself, this will all be for the best in the long run… if we make it through this we will be stronger and all the disagreements we had previously… marriage, children, him unable or unwilling to commit … will be done and sorted. If we don’t then it just wasn’t meant to be, that there is someone better out there for both of us… but I’m sick of it, and I don’t buy the crap I’m spouting.
I was happier than I ever thought possible, with someone who I fell more and more in love with as I spent time with him. Living in our little house, with our dog, building a life in the country involving expensive wellies, mud and stunning scenery. A life that I never knew I wanted, but was everything I need.
I want to shout at someone, blame someone… this isn’t fair, I haven’t done anything wrong. In previous relationships there has been a reason as to why the end has come… my ex was controlling, another of my ex’s moved to Germany, his ex’s cheated… but I haven’t miss behaved, and according to OH he hasn’t stopped loving me. He just can’t commit… love me fully… see me every day..