He can’t hurt me anymore.

I don’t know when it happened, whether it was the date with the tiny man or whether finding out that he crawled into her bed mere months after climbing out of mine. (Yes I may have gone back there after we broke up) I think that was his greatest betrayal…

But suddenly I am in a much better place. I don’t care if he is playing games to see me, or if he isn’t. His life no longer affects mine and he can do whatever he wants.

A very wise friend once told me “we need to make sure we have so much fun being single, a guy is going to have to work very hard to convince us we want to commit.” At the time I laughed, but actually now I feel very much in this place. There are a few guys, who I am chatting to online, but I don’t see it going anywhere and for the first time in a long time, this doesn’t bother me.

Holy crap I’ve adopted a rabbit!

There is a guy at work who has been trying to get rid of his kids pet rabbit for as long as I have known him. His two children have grown up and so this rabbit spends its days sat along in a hutch. The guy openly admits he doesn’t want or like this rabbit…

I tried my family, I tried my friends.

I said I couldn’t…

I said I wouldn’t…

Then in a moment of weakness I said ok…

I am a mixture of terrified and excited. I know I could say no, but I feel that for this poor rabbit although life with me may not be perfect, it will be a lot better than it is now.

My first argument against was BD and Mity but when I thought about it more I realised that I only have BD once a week (the majority of the time) and Mity less frequently. I know that it will mean one night when the rabbit will not get a whole lot of company, but that still means 6 nights a week that rabbit will have me all to itself and Ok 6 nights is not 7, but it’s an awful lot more than 0.

Then only other thing that puts me off is the cost. Actually that’s a lie, I have only thought about the costs involved now… after I have agreed. Yes, this may very well be a case of shutting the stable door once the horse has bolted. I think I will be alright, hell I have to be alright. I have made a promise and I would hate to break it.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have a whole load of rabbit things to learn about!

No Second Date

He was small; as in he came up to boob height on me (yes that is an actual measurement) The conversation seemed to go well but the height difference was a problem. The afternoon was enjoyable, but he was a closed book. At one point he left to go to the toilet and I wasn’t 100% certain that he would return!

I’m not sure how he felt, but it was left with a hug and he did care enough to ask me to text him and let him know I was home safe.

I got home, sent the text and he responded… with a willie photo.

For some unknown reason this guy decided that sending me a willie photo was appropriate at that moment (hint: it wasn’t) but i gets better…

Turns out it wasn’t his willie

How, why, what the?

What vibe was I giving off to indicate I wanted to see a complete strangers willie??

NOT OK!

 

First Date

Well I did it. I’m officially heading out on my first online date, and I don’t think I could have picked a bigger idiot. Last night he changed his mind and decided he didn’t think meeting up was a good idea.

For some reason I decided to persuade him otherwise and so I’m currently sat, freezing cold, on a train on the way to… Well God alone knows!

I suppose I can’t fully blame him for me being cold. With him blowing hot and cold I decided not to look into train or bus time tables. So unable to find the right bus stop I gave up and headed to the train station where I spent 30 minutes sat in the cold waiting for a delayed train.

I think I have butterflies, but I don’t really know. There is a feeling in the pit of my stomach and I don’t know what it is, fear, apprehension, a little excitement. Although I’m scared for there to be too much, I’m scared to get hurt again.

I don’t fully know what I’m doing here. I feel like a failure for not being able to meet someone the traditional way. Do I honestly want to meet someone yet? I don’t know. My opinions on being alone change more often than I change my socks. One day I feel alone isn’t so bad, I’ll survive a life alone. Next day and you can find me close to tears because I just want someone special.

I feel this is a ramble, at least it’s killed the best part of a train journey where I’ve forgotten my book and iPod.

Trains pulling into the station now, so here I go. Wish me luck!

I’m already judging the poor guy!

I have a date. This time next week we will be meeting in a bar for a few drinks. He is my first date since joining the online world and I have to say I am a mixture of excited and terrified. However most of my terror at the moment comes from the fact I don’t think we will make it to ‘date night’.

The last guy who I had a planned date with vanished suddenly and since agreeing to the date with this one I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to vanish off the face of the earth in the style of the previous guy.

I know I can’t judge him based on my past experiences, but at the same point I am just waiting for it to happen again. It is very much once bitten twice shy. Only I’ve been bitten so many times…

 

Improving my White Fridge – PicStick review

I don’t think I’ve told you about my fridge. When I was redesigning my kitchen I decided I would love a funky modern fridge. I have always wanted a coloured one and although one of the old fashioned styled fridges (I am sure they have a name but I have no idea what!) would be my dream, I knew practically I would need a large freezer as I would be doing a large amount of batch cooking and freezing.

Looking at the options available I quickly realised that a ‘pretty’ coloured fridge was out of the question; my options had become black, white or grey. I found a make I liked the look of, with a large freezer but small enough that it would fit in the space I had assigned it (I got very geeky when planning my kitchen, scale drawings were produced and everything!!) and it came in a very ugly grey, a very boring white or the most beautiful shiny black you have ever seen. I am ashamed to admit I fell in love with the black fridge (I may have stood and stroked it in the shop, in the style of Gollum, while muttering my pretty!) and the best bit of new was this model was in the sale…

Except it wasn’t; boring white and ugly grey were in the sale. My pretty fridge, the one I had fallen in love with, the one I had stood and stroked in the middle of the store and done a happy dance on finding was not in the sale. If I wanted my fridge in lovely, shiny, beautiful black it was going to have to pay full price. To get my fridge in black I was going to have to pay over £200 more.

You won’t be surprised to learn it didn’t happen and I resigned myself to having a plain… boring…same as everyone else… white fridge.

That was until I discovered PicStick.

PicStick transform your digital photos to gorgeous fridge magnets; at a cost of £9.50/$14.99 for a sheet of 9 and shipped (very quickly) worldwide for free I was a little bit giddy.

The website was so easy to use and can be linked with your Facebook profile. I will admit to taking a long time to choose the photos which would make it onto my final sheets, especially as this task involved trawling through a few hundred photos of me and the ex. This meant I logged on and off the site a few times, but everything saved for me each time and despite waiting weeks in between, everything was still there when I returned to the site.  The site works pretty much on common sense, and so I found it very straight forward to use. I was impressed how easy it was to rotate and re-size the photos I had chosen.

My only complaint would be that when you are building your sheet, you can’t see the photos you have already selected for any additional sheets. I bulked upload a lot of photos, which this site lets you do with relative ease, but once I’d completed one sheet I had to reply completely on my memory to complete the second; which I failed at. You do get an overview of all the products before finally buying them, but it would be a nice touch to see all your magnetic photo sheets while you are choosing your final photos.

I had intended on giving a PicStick magnetic photo sheet to my mum and dad for Christmas, and then giving other family and friends individual pictures. However I am so blown away by the final magnets that I am really struggling to give them away. The finish is brilliant and I am blown away by how fabulous the prints are.

I am confident that with their quick delivery a PicStick photo magnet would make the perfect last minute Christmas gift or stocking fillers.

 

bye bye boring fridge

bye bye boring fridge

Beautiful BD

Beautiful BD

My Mity

My Mity

When the lovely people at PicStick heard about my boring white fridge, they very kindly sent me 4 sheets of photos for free to review. However, this in no way affected my opinions, and all words and photos are my own.

What is his game?

I can’t think about it. It’s too dangerous if I do. The bandage that I have put over my broken heart can be picked off so easily by him. All it takes is a ‘thoughtless’ comment or action and I can feel the hope slowly creeping back.

So I don’t think about it… I try not to think about it.

Why must he suddenly see me when I pick up BD, having been fine not seeing me for months? (and he gets extra brownie points for pulling off this shit after I have expressly told him I don’t want to can’t cope with seeing him and having him in my life any more.

Does he not care?

Or does he care?

Does he still want me in his life? Is he regretting letting me go, does he want to see me … better to stop that train of thought right there. He doesn’t care. If he did he wouldn’t be doing this to me.

He is either a thoughtless ass… or he is just plain cruel. Either way he is a former shadow of the man I loved, of the man I gave my heart to.

He won.

He got to use me. He chewed me up and spat me out. He then brought another girl into my bed months after I got out of it.

Despite what he may think he does not get to win. I am stronger than that. If he keeps this up he will leave me with no option but to walk away.

He will not have me in his life. If he regrets letting me go… tough.

I waited. I waited longer than I should. I let him hurt me; more than I should have… but not now… not any more.

This is a new start.

I am a new stronger person.

I will not think about ‘hidden motives’. I will not spend the evenings crying over what I thought I had lost. The loss is his. He made the biggest mistake of his life letting me go. Hopefully the next guy won’t be that dumb!